


Hearts Found in Forgotten Memories

by Eggsyobsessed



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Amnesia Eggsy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Times, Five Years Later, Getting Back Together, Hearts Never Forget, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Like Falling in Love All Over Again, Love Confessions, M/M, Meet-Again, POV Merlin (Kingsman), Percival as Arthur, Post-Kingsman: The Secret Service, Recovered Memories, Saving The World Doesn't Get You A Seat At The Table, Temporary Merlin as Arthur, Undercover Roxy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:00:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22496485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/pseuds/Eggsyobsessed
Summary: Eggsy’s saved the world, and with saving the world means grand things, right? Wrong.In another world, six months after V-Day, it's time to decide what to do with Eggsy. Except saving the world doesn’t negate a seat at the table and a formal vote needs to be taken. And so Merlin, currently acting Arthur, is positive Eggsy will be granted his spot as Galahad, but his optimism is quickly shattered when the majority vote Eggsy be banned from the agency. All are in agreement to let Eggsy live, but rather wipe his memories of Kingsman, his time there, his friendship with Roxy, and ultimately the love he has for Merlin. They send Eggsy off into the world with no knowledge of the last year, a mysterious deposit of money to see him through; because after all saving the world means something.Kingsman keeps a watchful eye on him, Merlin refusing to be the one to monitor his life; he’s just had to wipe the memories of his love and watch him be taken away. But five years later, one trip to a new coffee shop not far from Kingsman, does Merlin see Eggsy again. Without memories, Eggsy has no recollection of the attractive, bald, Scotsman that stops by his coffee shop every day and somehow makes his heart flutter.
Relationships: Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 207
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea sometime last year, but was waiting to finish some bigger things before I started it. This will be multiple chapter, and of course happy ending because I don't know how to do anything different. 
> 
> The Kingsman/Coffee Shop AU no one asked for that kinda starts off sad, but promise gets better. 
> 
> Beta read by Snafu07, big hugs to her, and title kudos go to the lovely Anarchycox.  
> I hope you all enjoy!!

“Here you go babe.” Eggsy handed Merlin’s waiting hand a mug, a perfectly wonderful mug full of coffee with just the right amount of sugar and a dash of cream.

The first sip was heaven, touched his soul as the hot liquid trailed down his esophagus; a delightful hum reverberated through Merlin’s chest as he took a second sip.

“Perfect.” He kissed Eggsy’s lifted cheek. “I’ll be sad once you are on missions. I won’t have anyone to make me perfect coffee.” Merlin took his beverage and tablet, to the small bistro table in his kitchen, sat where Eggsy had a bowl of hot, steaming oatmeal with brown sugar and berries sprinkled on top. “And this.”

Despite the fuck up that followed V-Day, all the clean up the agency had to do, and the straight hell Merlin’s been through in his position as Arthur since King’s demise; he had found a comfortable life, a solid, growing relationship with Eggsy. At least that was a silver lining after having saved the world and putting Kingsman back together.

“Well, not like I’m being shipped out anytime soon.” Eggsy took his seat across from Merlin, an ankle rested comfortably to his as he tucked into his own bowl of oats.

“This is true,” Merlin answered, distractedly, while reading over an email from Percival. “We still need to get you a spot,” he added, offhandedly.

“Mm.” Eggsy hummed around a bite of breakfast.

He stopped eating his own to focus on Percival’s message, an urgent matter he needed to discuss with Merlin. He had relied heavily on Percival since the fallout of King, and he’s been nothing but the best. When it came time to vote in a new Arthur, if he tossed his hat into the ring, he’d happily shift the reins to Percival. The man was precise, careful, paid attention to detail, and ultimately cared about the agency, the well being of all their staff, and the world.

“What’s the matter?” Eggsy’s foot snaked up his leg trouser, toe raked down in a caress.

Merlin typed a quick reply, closed it out, and smiled up at Eggsy. “Nothing you need to worry about right now.” He winked which caused a beautiful grin to form on Eggsy’s perfect face; he’d never tire of seeing this gorgeous creature.

“If you say so,” Eggsy conceded. He took his empty bowl and Merlin’s abandoned one, dropped a delicate kiss to his head and sauntered away; his hips did an extra shimmy to the dishwasher. And the little shit shot a wink over his shoulder, blue-green eyes hooded, sparkled with lust; it sent a deep, arousing need to his groin.

Merlin groaned, a low rumbly thing in the back of his throat. “You are going to kill me lad. We don’t have time for this.” Eggsy, that tart, came back to stand between his legs, and the bastard had his leg pressed against his growing erection.

“Time for what?” His tone is sickly sweet, a finger glided down his neck to the tip of his spine; Merlin shivered in response.

“This,” Merlin hissed, grabbing Eggsy hand to yank in front of him. “I’m going to be late, and we know I don’t do late.” He ignored the snicker Eggsy passed him and accepted the gentle kiss Eggsy offered. “Come on.” Merlin kept their fingers laced and led them out to the cab waiting for them.

It was a job keeping Eggsy’s hands off of him in the back, but thank Christ he’d managed to talk his dick down when they arrived at the shop. The tube ride to HQ was going to be a long one, especially if Eggsy didn’t stop kissing him.

\---

“People have been talking, Arthur.” He’d honestly never get used to hearing that. To him, he’d always be Merlin, but formalities were required and such. “The agents want to know when you are going to hold a meeting to discuss him.”

Merlin steepled his fingers, chin rested there for a moment before he leaned back in his chair; he regarded Percival carefully. “I don’t think this is a matter that needs discussing amongst the agents, do you?”

It was really meant to be a rhetorical question, but Percival answered anyway. “Where I agree it is not, but it is. I was reading through some policies.” Merlin groaned. “I thought you knew them all.” Percival smirked a bit as he sat beside him. “Apparently if a candidate fails out, but somehow proves themselves fit for the table, it is up to Arthur and the knights to take a vote.” Merlin leaned forward as Percival skimmed the file on his tablet. “And I know you wanted Eggsy to take Galahad, but we have to hold a formal meeting and allow the agents a say in the matter.” He shrugged, handing Merlin the tablet, and said, “The options if he doesn’t get voted in are...drastic.”

“But he’s save the world, aye?” Merlin skimmed it. There were only two options for Eggsy if he wasn’t voted in: his memories wiped or death. The ladder had his heart plummeting into his stomach; he felt sick.

Percival nodded as he took the tech back. “It would be advised you don’t vote in, Arthur.” His voice was low. The suggestion sent anger through his blood.

“Are you insinuating I would vote him in, based off of our personal relationship? That we’ve filed all the proper paperwork for?”

“I’m not, no, but others would.” It wasn’t hidden around the agency that some staff and knights alike, disapproved of the union. “But we need to address this. It’s been six months, the agency is finally up and running to rights.” Merlin knew he was right. “Call a meeting. No one is out, all would attend. It’s either you or the knights start demanding, and they are talking.”

He couldn’t avoid it, no matter how much he wanted to protect Eggsy; Merlin had a job to do, running Kingsman was his priority.

“Alright. I’ll send word to Merlin.” It still sounded weird, using his old code-name to address the young man who had taken his spot. They all hoped it wouldn’t be for long, but the time being it is what it is. “Are there any other matters that need addressing?”

Percival quickly tossed himself into the intel he had dug up for Lancelot’s upcoming mission. A local thing involving recon, one where she’d go undercover and visit a nearby nightclub.

\---

“What the fuck you mean vote me in or out?” Eggsy paced his office. “I thought you saved the world, get a seat, and that was it.”

Merlin shook his head as Percival continued to explain. “No. That’s not how it works. You have to be voted in by all members. It is an age old tradition since the agency was established, and according to our records only happened a handful of times.” Percival flipped through a few pages. “Four times, to be exact.”

Eggsy stopped to stare at the man. Anxiety and fear rippled off of him, etched his beautiful features; Merlin wanted to hug him. “And how many of them actually got voted in?”

“None.”

The room went silent, a chill moved through as Eggsy asked, “And how many survived?”

Percival closed the folder and regarded Eggsy with patient, but sorrowful eyes. “None.”

Merlin advanced Eggsy, went to pull him into his arms only for Eggsy to hold up a hand; the faintest of tremor in it.

“Not now,” Eggsy managed to whisper.

“I’ll give you two a moment.” Percival bowed out, leaving Merlin to stare at the person he’s grown to love the last five months.

And how fucking fitting all this shit shook out, and Merlin hadn’t said it yet. To be honest, neither has Eggsy. You’d think almost dying and saving the bloody world would make them less daft, but somehow that’s not how this worked.

“Ye know Roxy is on your side, Percival, a few others-”

“And if enough of them aren’t? I’m either dead or without any recollection of the last damn year, or even last fucking five months?” Eggsy spoke over him. He finally turned to face him, something glistening in his blue-green eyes. “Can you even vote?” He asked, expression twisted, contorted his features with anger.

“No.”

“Ain’t you Arthur?”

“Aye, but we fear it would show favoritism. By bowing out, it shows my loyalty to the agency.”

“Like you ain’t loyal! You’re the fucking gov'nor, yeah?” Eggsy shouted, desperate to prove his point. “Signed all the shit, didn’t I? You did. In front of the whole bloody table!”

“And it doesn’t matter, Eggsy. This was built on old traditions, ones made by men who didn’t have love, didn’t care if you were brave, courageous, if ye failed that was it. There was no place for those who couldn’t prove their worth through candidacy.”

Eggsy shook his head. “It ain’t fair. I put my life on the line.”

Merlin ignored every shove, jab Eggsy lay on his person while he wrapped him up in his arms. They didn’t have to pretend right now, because it fucking sucked no matter what. He wanted to tell him he’d get the seat, but you never gave empty promises, not when you couldn’t be sure; and he wasn’t sure. Eggsy finally went limp against him as he lay a soft, tender kiss to his hairline. Merlin silently hoped they all saw how brilliant he was, how Eggsy was an asset and not a liability to the table.

They’d know by the end of the night where Eggsy fate lied. For now, he led them over to a sofa in his office, pulled Eggsy onto his lap and just held him there. No words would fix this, and certainly wouldn’t ease the ache in his heart.

He wished he could have said how he felt about Eggsy just then, but all he could do was muster a soft hum in Eggsy’s ear.

\---

Merlin sat at the head, Eggsy stood to his right. He was dressed immaculately in his bespoke suit, the very one Harry had made him. It was repaired, of course from the damage on V-Day, but fit him like a glove. He looked gorgeous, hair coiffed in a way Harry would have been proud, all in his Kingsman glory and Merlin couldn’t help but feel he belonged here. Everything about Eggsy screamed, this is my life, this is where I’m supposed to be, but they had other people making that decision for them tonight.

Percival walked in, his step faltered for only a second as Merlin caught his gaze wandering to Eggsy, but he maintained a cool profile as he to Merlin’s left. It wasn’t long before the rest of the Kingsman started to file in.

Roxy was first, her eyes hard, but confident. Merlin could see the barest hint of hope in them, and how she and Eggsy locked for a moment; it broke him a little.

The rest were less forgiving, their gazes not as soft, lacking emotion, but it was a serious time, and one where emotion couldn’t be considered. Which was exactly why Merlin was sitting out, no matter if he thought Eggsy belonged based on skill and not because of their relationship outside of the agency.

“Thank you all for coming,” Merlin started. “It’s come to my attention that there is a sensitive matter that needs to be dealt with.” He made sure to make eye contact with everyone as he spoke. “Gary Unwin was submitted by Harry Hart, previously Galahad, in 2014 for the seat of Lancelot, and failed the final test.” Merlin explained from then on, how he found out King had turned on the agency, saving the world, helped rebuild the agency, and to present day. “It is our tradition that once one has been able to prove themselves, in Arthur’s eyes, that the table holds a formal vote to either accept the failed candidate into the table, or not.”

The next part was harder to say than Merlin anticipated. “If the vote is against Gary Unwin joining Kingsman as Galahad, the options are memories wiped, or death.” No one reacted, and he wasn’t sure if that helped or not.

“Merlin was able to design a system where each can vote anonymously. There are three options: Gary Unwin is allowed a seat, memories wiped, or eliminated.” Merlin took a deep breath as he prepared for what he said next. “I have decided to relinquish my ability to vote, due to our personal relationship.” He was shocked when a few knights nodded in agreement.

Merlin (once Mordred) stepped forward and gave instructions on how it would work once the options popped up on the table. One of the many inventions Merlin had come up with; he was quite proud of the upgrade as they rebuilt.

“Alright, you have 15 minutes to cast your vote.” To Merlin that seemed like a millisecond, how could anyone decide the fate of the young man beside him, in such a short time as that was beyond his comprehension.

But it seemed no one had a hard time casting their votes, and fifteen minutes flew by with a blink of his eye. Merlin held his breath, not sure he’d be able to go on if the decision was to rid Eggsy forever.

“The results are in.” Merlin sat, patient as the acting Merlin looked over the tally and displayed it on the screen.

He felt all the air knocked out of him when the majority were to deny Eggsy a seat. It took him a moment to register it was just one vote off from keeping Eggsy; if he had only voted in! But then what would happen? Would they veto his choice, would they have said it was because Eggsy and he slept together? It didn’t matter now as Merlin read the final option. Eggsy was to be wiped of his memories.

Percival stepped forward. “Given the decision, I have read the regularities of each outcome, Arthur is to deliver the amnesia dart directly to Gary’s neck.”

“How do we know he’ll do it?” It was Kay who spoke up. Not so surprising, he was one of the few who loved King, but somehow didn’t fall down the pipeline along with him.

“Did you want to see it for yourself? Make sure he was knocked out in front of the whole bloody table?!” Roxy seethed.

“It can be recorded,” Acting Merlin offered. “But it is not required the whole of the Kingsman witness it, just that Arthur himself makes sure, and proper relocation of the body will be provided by an agent Arthur appoints.” Merlin felt sick, he knew he’d throw up as soon as this was over.

“Lancelot and Percival.” Is what Merlin said. “Those are the ones I appoint. Percival is well respected so I know ye lot won’t think I had him hidden somewhere.” It took every ounce of his control to not shout.

That seemed to satisfy a few faces, and it was clear who thought Eggsy was unfit to stay.

“Then I suggest Percival witness as well.” Kay added, his lip curled in a sneer.

“That is n-” Percival began but Merlin raised a hand to cut him off, as he stood.

“No. That’s fine. He can watch.” He looked to Merlin. “When does this have to happen?”

“It is immediate, sir.”

Merlin nodded to himself, didn’t dare look at Roxy who was barely holding herself straight, and addressed the rest. “You are all dismissed and the final word will be sent via glasses.” He didn’t say anything as Roxy clutched Eggsy tightly before leaving; he couldn’t even look at the man he loved.

“Here you go sir.” Merlin was handed a different dart. It was supposed to be stronger, a special mix Merlin designed himself for this sort of thing; only they used them on failed candidates, which was exactly how he had to treat Eggsy. “Thank you.” He took the loaded pen, at least it looked like a pen, but had a button on the side instead of the bottom.

“I really don’t need to be here for this,” Percival whispered, despite it being just the three of them left.

“That would be dishonest, and he ain’t that.” Eggsy spoke, a hollow voice that didn’t belong to him; Merlin still didn’t lay his eyes on him. “I don't want to watch it coming, if that’s okay.”

Merlin stared at the item that would take his love away from him. “I understand.” His voice lacked emotion, needed to otherwise he’d fall apart.

He finally looked up, once Eggsy had his back turned to him. Merlin studied his shoulders, how they strained just a bit against the fabric. He could dot where each mole, each freckle, was located on Eggsy’s back. What his skin felt like beneath his fingertips when he’d trace lines from each imperfection, that was so perfect, on Eggsy’s body to the next.

“Hamish,” Eggsy whispered. His voice finally breaking. Merlin could hear the tears in his throat, how it choked off his vocal cords when he said, “I want you to know something.”

“No,” Merlin begged. “Don’t say it.” He knew what Eggsy wanted to tell him, but he couldn’t bear to hear the words spoken; he’d rather die than hear it once and never again.

Eggsy’s whole body seemed to shake as Merlin readied himself. He stood behind Eggsy, just enough to make out the freckle on his neck, just below his precisely cut hair.

“I love you,” Eggsy mumbled, anyway, just as Merlin released the dart. It didn’t take long for Eggsy’s body to go limp; Merlin caught him.

He felt the tears he’d kept at bay, trickle down his face as he whispered, “I know. I love you too.”

Having been too much of a coward to say it while he was conscious, Merlin allowed Percival to take Eggsy. Time was sensitive, they only had four hours before he’d wake with no memories of the last year. At least Merlin could transfer a decent amount of money into an account for him.

Because, after all, saving the world had to account for something.


	2. Chapter 2

“Arthur.” A hand touched his shoulder, causing him to jerk back a bit as he looked up to see Mordred, no, Merlin.

The young man stood before him; his olive green eyes concerned as he crouched to Merlin’s eye level. He hadn’t moved from the floor, an immeasurable amount of time had passed, and even as he was faced with this other man, all Merlin could see was Eggsy’s unconscious face.

“Sir, you’ve been sick. Let me help you to your room.” Merlin gazed at the once clean floor; his breakfast and coffee he’d had throughout the day now soiled the carpet. He honestly hadn’t remembered vomiting, but the burning ache in his throat was indication enough; or perhaps that had been from crying, he wasn’t sure. And Merlin wasn’t about to dwell on it too long, not that he cared to figure out the source of the pain in his throat when his chest, his heart, felt hollow.

Merlin pulled in a long, shaky breath, and managed a weak whisper.

“I’m fine.” But as he listened to his voice, how the words choked past a rough, gravely tone that didn’t belong to him; he was anything but fine.

Jacob’s features softened, and fuck formalities - even in his head it was too bloody confusing to distinguish him as Merlin, from Mordred - because he was too exhausted to bother. Right now he didn’t even want to be Arthur; he yearned to be Hamish. The same man who’d leave here at quarter past five and go home to see a sunny man dance around their kitchen listening to obnoxious R&B, that he didn’t understand, but it made Eggsy happy.

The dream died in his mind, the image tainted with the same heartbroken face he had seen, even as he wasn’t; somehow Eggsy resembled a man who’d had their heart torn right out of their body. But that was precisely what had happened to both of them. Merlin’s image of Jacob became distorted, and it took him far too long to realize it was because he had started to cry again. He’d never in his right mind do this, but nothing about this was right and fuck the job for five bloody minutes.

“Let me help you.” Is what the lad murmured again, even as Merlin fell forward and strong arms caught him. They weren’t the ones his body craved, but it would do to get him up off the floor, and into his suite.

He was grateful the boy didn’t follow him into the loo, because getting sick in front of your staff would be quite the embarrassment. Honestly, Merlin didn’t know how his body was able to rid anything else, and it was clear when the bile colored sick filled the toilet, that he had nothing left. But the dry heaves didn’t stop and his head hurt. The lid of the toilet was cool, welcome against his heated cheek as he rested there. Too tired to get up. Everything at this point seemed to take more energy, more effort.

“Hamish.” A familiar voice called. He was grateful it wasn’t another staff member wondering if he’d be okay, or unlike a few others that had muttered in the hall; if Merlin would be able to do the job at all. “I’ll get you sorted,” Percival promised.

And he did. How he managed to get Merlin cleaned, changed, and into bed was not the first thing on his mind. But how Merlin woke the next day, feeling as if he’d had the worst hangover in history and still peeled himself out of bed, dragged himself to shower, and somehow slipped into the suit that made him Arthur; well, that had to have been magic.

No one could look him in the eye, not even when he went through the day, held meetings just as scheduled, and briefed Kay on his next mission. No. The arsehole didn’t even have the decency to meet his gaze, and that burned his arse more than he could explain.

“Kay,” Merlin called, just as the agent made it to the door. The older man turned to him, eyes holding something Merlin couldn’t place, and if he were trying really hard he might say it was regret. “Next time we have a meeting, and I am speaking to you? You give me eye contact.” His voice was cold, well past formal. “That is an order.”

Kay straightened his posture, gave a curt nod, and said, “Yes, sir.”

Merlin waved a hand, dismissing him without another word.

\---

The days seemed to pass, despite Merlin feeling like they dragged, and somehow a day turned into a week, and soon a month. He hadn’t gone home, didn’t know if he could face what was once an ‘ours’ and was now a ‘his’.

“Mordred.” Merlin gave up, after that day, on calling him Merlin. Especially since they would be holding a Round Table meeting to decide the next course of action. He would be happy to give up the crown, it never did suit his head, but when dire measures called for it; Merlin was Kingsman’s go to.

“Yes sir.” He didn’t turn from his station as he surveyed video feed. It took every ounce of Merlin’s strength to keep the bile from rising. He had managed to avoid seeing his face. Avoided any video feed or recordings they had.

But as he stared, somehow unable to look away no matter how it pained him, the screen displayed a sunny faced Eggsy who pushed an equally happy little girl on a swing set; his heart cracked and bled all over again. It resembled the feel of a wound that was just healing, like the skin had begun to adhere together and regenerate; only for it to be torn open. The sting this time was so much more intense than before.

When Merlin didn’t answer, Mordred spun in his seat; green eyes widened with realization, before he scrambled to close the footage. Merlin cleared his throat, he refused to be seen as he was that day, and addressed the young man.

“I need you to send an alert to all agents. We will begin at seven tonight. I don’t want anyone late and those who are will be locked out of the dining room.” Merlin had tightened the reins on punctuality; he found that he had no patience left for anyone who was even a minute late.

“Sir.” Mordred nodded and turned to pull up the agent’s names, sending out a mass message. “All set, Arthur.”

“Good. Thank you.” He turned on his heel to leave and headed out towards the loo where he dry heaved, because he hadn’t eaten anything to come up. Regardless of the clothing that cloaked his body, Merlin felt chilled. A deep, bone aching chill that he couldn’t shake, not even as he wrapped himself in his arms.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, but eventually his knee ached and so he stood. Merlin made a point to splash hot water on his face, work some color back into his pale complexion; it had been weeks since he’d left the manor. He didn’t know how the sun would feel on him at this point. Not being entirely sure what shutting yourself off of the world could do, beyond the physical feel of nature surrounding him. People weren’t high on his list, not in the socialization sense. But he shrugged it off, pulled himself together, and slowly transformed into Arthur; he had a job to do, an agency that depended on him - not to mention the world.

The rest of the day was a blur and even the meeting sped past without pause; like he was on fast forward without really living the life he led. But he felt an invisible weight lift off of him as Percival was voted Arthur, and he could breathe easier, if only fractionally.

Between ensuring a smooth transition of power; getting back to his station and eased into guiding missions, apparently another two months had gone by. He had nothing to account for the time passed, if only for a few new lines on his face, and perhaps if he slept more than two hours a night; Merlin would look better.

At this point time was fluid, it held no real meaning like it once had. It was just a day in, day out sort of thing, except he didn’t go out. Merlin just wandered off to his sleeping quarters, stayed there, and didn’t so much as speak to people outside of work.

Well, except Tristan. He was the kennel master, and after Merlin had pulled himself together, he had someone fetch JB. Merlin made sure to grab the pug during the day; he had a bed for him in his office and everything. But at night, when the bed was cold and Merlin was alone, he didn’t want a reminder of what he once had. And as much as he loved JB, he was a sore reminder of the man who had once held his heart; who still unknowingly held it.

\---

Merlin resumed a normal life, or as normal as it would be, and fell into routine. Wake, force a piece of toast down his throat, swallow a cup of coffee, shower most days, and go in to guide the next mission.

Today he was on coms with Kay, who by every definition was a fucking tosser and the last person Merlin wanted to guide, but duty called and all that horseshit. Loyalty was a blessing and a curse; he assumed this was his penance for whatever he had done wrong in a past life.

“How is the lad doing?” The question threw Merlin off for a moment, he had no lad to speak of, and unless he spoke of JB; Merlin hadn’t a clue what he meant.

“Lad? Do you mean the dog?” Merlin kept a watchful eye on the security camera. “Three minutes, agent, and then you are in the clear.”

Kay snorted. “No. Eggsy, how is Eggsy?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Mordred was watching him before you came back, so I figured you’d taken over.” The assumption enraged him more than he could put into words; he stayed silent for a bit, just watched the view through Kay’s glasses.

A part of Merlin, some deep nasty part of him, wanted to slip and allow the agent to miss his time frame. But he wouldn’t put other lives in danger because Kay wanted to take the piss.

Merlin cleared his throat. “One minute and thirty seconds, agent, and that is none of your concern. Nor is this the place to discuss it.”

The agent readied, took the shot and was up to move out of the mansion. Merlin guided him through to extraction, and decided he’d pay him a little visit in the hanger.

A painstakingly long four hours later, and Merlin was waiting for the man. “What the fuck was that all about?” Merlin roared, as soon as Kay wandered toward him with a smile so wide he wanted to smack it off.

“You are Merlin, only made sense. It is your job.”

Merlin’s blood boiled, a fire surged through him as he advanced Kay, who didn’t seem even a bit worried with the anger that Merlin could almost see emitting off of him.

“No. No you don’t get to tell me what is and isn’t my job.” He hated how loyal he was, because it would be so much easier to say fuck it and punch the sorry motherfucker in the face. “You all made sure I had to live without my heart and I’ll be damned if I have to watch him live without me.” Merlin moved closer and finally Kay looked alarmed as their chests pressed against one another. “This is your warning, because next time? Next time I won’t hold back and the imprint of my fist will be on your face.”

A few passerby's had stopped to watch, but Merlin didn’t give them a second glance as he turned to leave, passing Arthur on his way out; even that didn’t stop him.

From that day on, Kay was removed from his assignments.

\---

It had been a year. An entire three hundred and sixty five days, and Merlin wasn’t sure how’d he’d survived it; but he did.

The pain eased, eventually he was able to go back to his flat, and only after Kingsman movers had gone in and cleaned out what they could. Merlin had the place painted, refurnished, and new everything so not a single counter, painting, or light fixture resembled the place he had spent with Eggsy; not even the aroma of the lad lingered, and that somehow freed him and didn’t at the same time.

JB had taken to the new space well, still not allowing the pug to sleep in bed with him, but it was a relationship that both canine and Merlin grew to accept.

Mordred always kept Merlin abreast, in terms of confirming Eggsy was alive and well; that’s all Merlin had requested. He never wanted to know where he was, if he still resided in London or not. Just that peace of mind. Yes. Eggsy lived and no real harm came to him. Of course they monitored for more than the fact he breathed, they made sure he still had no memories of his time here or if they even existed.

But of course all surveillance slowed down. It was less than a daily check-in and more of a here and there sort of thing. Once two years had passed, it had reduced to a crawl, no longer imminent that they follow his every move. Yet Mordred still did a check in, just made sure, and Merlin breathed easier from that small nod the young lad would give him.

Time continued to roll by, but yet when that day came around; Merlin found he couldn’t breathe. Somehow like a panic attack was expected, and by the third year Arthur had mandated Merlin take that day off, and somehow Roxy had joined him.

They were sitting on his back patio, JB and Roxy’s own dog romped around the garden, as they sipped tea. He tried to stay away from Scotch on this particular day, a year ago he had gotten so pissed he had wandered into Kingsman shouting for Eggsy; that’s when Percival - no Arthur - decided he needed to decompress.

“They’ve got me going to Kentucky in two days,” Roxy said, nonchalant, like Merlin didn’t already know this. But it was easier to speak of anything else other than what today meant. “Guess Harry’s ready to come home.”

About three months ago they had gotten word Harry fucking Hart was alive. A year of him being awake and he’d finally clued in enough, to have a sister organization in the US, for Statesman to contact them. Amnesia from a bullet wound to the head and all stalled his progress. Arthur had gone down, of course, surveyed the damage while Merlin supervised the agency, and it was decided Harry would receive a few more months of therapy before he came home.

“Aye,” Merlin agreed. “It should be interesting to have him back.” He wanted Eggsy back; Merlin left unsaid.

“I’m sure it will be.” Roxy didn’t say much else besides that, Merlin was grateful.

He had been even more relieved when Harry didn’t ask how Eggsy was, just hobbled toward Merlin with a cane he hadn’t had before, but the bastard was alive and well enough to give Merlin a lopsided smile and pull him into a hug. Merlin hadn’t realized how much he needed that and clutched onto his best friend for too long.

Harry didn’t say anything when Merlin leaned away with wet eyes; he appreciated that.

\---

“You’d think after two years it gets better.” Merlin snorted. Harry kicked him from under the table, his brow creased in concentration as he squeezed the stress ball with his right hand. “Even with their alpha-gel and all that bollocks, I thought I’d be good as new.”

“Ye got shot in the fucking head, Harry.” Merlin tried to keep his exasperation at bay, but Harry had whined about it since the day he stepped foot in Kingsman. “Did you really think you’d bear no consequence from that?” When he looked up and Harry had that expectant brow raised; Merlin knew that he had. “You are insufferable, you know that?”

“Mm,” Harry hummed. He continued to perform his daily exercises and Merlin even walked with him around the course. They knew he’d never be agent material again, but that didn’t mean he should give up and not attempt to regain what he’d lost. Since Harry returned home, he had made more progress, but nothing greater than being able to sloppily write his name and walk half the day without the cane; Merlin was proud of him no matter what.

Having him back gave Merlin some purpose again, he had even invited the man over for dinner each weekend and spent a great deal of time with Harry at his flat.

“I know you are off tomorrow,” Harry began as they sat on the back steps of the manor. “But you could still come in. You don’t have to be Kingsman’s Quartermaster, but you could be my friend and sit with me while I try to hold a gun.”

It would be five years to the date tomorrow and he normally stayed away from HQ, but wouldn’t deny his friend the support.

“I will. I’ll even bring coffee, tea for ye. I saw a flyer for a new coffee shop two streets over. Figured I’d give it a go.”

Harry smiled, a slow, warm thing. “I look forward to it.”

\---

To Merlin’s surprise it was a sunny day, not at all the cloudy, overcast weather he’d seen on this day for five years. Almost as if the universe knew what today meant for Merlin, and perhaps that had to do with the pep in his step. He whistled a song he hadn’t in such a long time, a melody sung by a beautiful man who no longer graced his day, but maybe he could find solace in a new tradition. A cup of coffee for him, tea brought to Harry, and together they could fuck about with the day after Harry’s therapies, or perhaps Merlin would join him on the range and shoot a few rounds himself.

Either way, he had a good outlook on the next twenty four hours as a bell rang when he stepped through the door of A Cuppa Java. It had a warm, inviting atmosphere and held the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans. It wasn’t very busy for a Tuesday morning, but perhaps it hadn’t picked up enough traction to obtain a solid clientele yet. If Merlin was satisfied, he’d find a way to spread the word; support local businesses and all that.

“Just a mo!” A strikingly familiar voice called from the back, but Merlin was too focused on the bag of dark roast, Colombian blend in his hand to notice; it was his favorite coffee and fuck if he’d been able to find it locally. He always had to order it online.

Merlin wandered to the register, his eyes still glued on the label. It was the precise brand he kept in his cupboard at home, a bit pricey than if he’d ordered it himself. But when he figured in the shipping cost, Merlin could save a few pounds; he grabbed another bag.

“Hiya mate!” The cheery voice greeted. “Just got that shipment in. Hoping locals like it, yeah.”

“I haven’t found it anywhere else, always had to ord-” Merlin felt the air leave him as he looked up and met the face of the man on the other side of the counter. He squeezed them shut, counted to sixty, and opened them again. “Oh dear God,” he whispered when the person in front of him didn’t move. The face stayed the same.

“You alright there? Look like you’ve seen a ghost, bruv.” Merlin raised a shaky hand and stopped just short of a centimeter from touching the face that backed away; confusion and defense cloaked his beautiful features. “You good mate? I ain’t above calling the filth,” he warned.

“I’m…” Merlin dropped his hand and left the coffee on the counter as he retracted his steps. “I apologize. Ye look like someone I knew.”

“S’alright.” He sounded a touch worried, even as he watched Merlin like he was a criminal or insane.

At this very moment Merlin felt insane. He hadn’t realized he was still moving until the door touched his back, and Merlin didn’t stop from going through it.

Not even when Eggsy asked if Merlin was going to purchase the coffee. Eggsy. His Eggsy.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin managed to fight off each cell that screamed to go back, go declare your love to a person who clearly thought you were some maniac off of the street. He didn’t call for a cab, just walked - more like a jog - to the shop, went straight to dressing room two without even bidding Andrew hello. Which would surely spark alarm from the older man addressing a customer. He locked the door, touched the mirror, and waited on his descent to the tube.

There was little he was sure of at the moment, where he would go once at HQ, or what he’d say, or perhaps how he currently FELT as Eggsy’s perplexed expression played over in his head. He had so many unanswered questions. How long had he been there? Well that one was obvious. The shop hadn’t been open for longer than a month. But how? He had no real path as he left the tube, striding right past his co-workers, staff, and a few agents who all greeted him.

Politeness was the last thing on his mind as he headed through the halls and only stopped to fly through the range where Harry had prepared to set off a few rounds.

“Ah! Didn’t think you’d be joining me.” Harry sounded relieved, gathering the noise cancelling headphones, but a quick pass over Merlin stopped him. “Hamish.” It was in his voice. The concern, a soft murmur laced with a warmth Merlin didn’t know he craved.

It was like a damn broke, all of those years ago, all of the sleepless nights he’d lost and mourned a person who still lived, breathed, walked this very city as he did. Merlin finally crumpled in such a way no one had ever seen, not even Harry. He was grateful for the man in the room, a set of arms caught him, and how it would still be a mystery because the man could barely hold himself up. But here Harry was holding him up, like he were a solid brick wall, unshakable and sturdy; these arms could weather any storm and still wipe Merlin’s fallen tears.

“Come on.” Harry’s tone was gentle, almost mothering, as he led Merlin out of the range. He was thankful no questions were asked.

There was no big freak out. And eventually Merlin found himself being eased onto a leather sofa. It was easy to recognize the room; Harry’s old office when he was Galahad. He was still referred to as such, but the duties of the job were no longer on Harry’s shoulders. Merlin was suddenly aware of the severity of the sob that shook his body, wrecked him in such a way he couldn’t even hold the glass of Scotch thrust into his hand but yet managed for a sip. He welcomed the warmth, savored the amber liquid that tasted a bit too sweet on his tongue, but didn’t give inquiries as Harry filled it a second time; Merlin must have finished it.

At the moment no amount of alcohol could solve his problem, ease the ache that he’d worked so hard to smooth out of his chest. It returned tenfold, grief razor sharp as it shred through scar tissue, opened old wounds, and poured salt into his chest; as if he weren’t here bleeding, heartbroken.

“Shhh.” Harry hummed into his ear. Those same arms returned to wrap him in an embrace he didn’t know he needed, but suddenly the comfort of his oldest friend overwhelmed him, nearly causing more tears to flow down his face.

“I needed ye so much,” Merlin rasped, a watery confession garbled past his anguish. “I didn’t know til now how much I did then.” He realized this would make little sense to Harry, but as he cried he couldn’t find the words to explain what had happened. An unspeakable amount of time passed and once his tears had dried to his face, eyes crusted shut, and adhered to Harry’s cardigan, is when Merlin pulled away. He rubbed the remnants of his despair off of his face, bowed a grateful nod when Harry handed him a dampened flannel to clean himself up a bit.

“Thank you.” Merlin blew his nose and discarded the soiled cloth. He accepted a cuppa, a bit confused as he looked up at Harry. His expression must reflect his curiosity because Harry settled beside him again, a nonchalant shrug as he sipped from his tea cup.

“I called for tea some time ago. I was just waiting for you to be ready.” They drank in silence for a bit longer; Merlin couldn't articulate how much he appreciated Harry keeping a level head and not firing off the Spanish inquisition.

Merlin set his empty cup down and regarded his friend; searched the single brown eye staring at him. It lacked all judgement, only held support and unconditional love.

“I saw Eggsy.” He had meant to speak louder, but all he could do was whisper. If he could even call it that. His voice was nearly inaudible when he repeated, “Eggsy...my Eggsy.” It almost didn’t seem fair to call him such. Merlin held no meaning to the lad, but that didn’t take from what he felt for Eggsy.

Harry went stiff beside him, surely knowing what that meant. At the very least he was confirming Merlin’s fears. They had done a lot of changing in the last five years. But depending on if Kay got word or if any of the other bastards who had voted Eggsy out; Merlin wasn’t sure how Arthur would go about this, but he knew he had to tell the man.

“Surely that isn’t a problem.” Harry murmured despite his rigid posture, fingers curled into Merlin’s arm; almost painfully. “He didn’t recognize you, did he?” Of course that’d be the more pressing information, but the fact of it was he hadn’t and of course he hadn’t, Merlin designed the serum himself; no, Eggsy wouldn’t have remembered him.

Merlin shook his head. “No he didn’t.” He wasn’t sure what hurt more, that or the fact that Eggsy had flinched away as if he were a stranger. But he was, in all ways considered to be someone Eggsy hadn’t known and he made the mistake of trying to touch him, if only to provide affirmation that he wasn’t imagining it all.

“Well then.” Harry gave him a final squeeze before he held him at arm length, a soft smile in place. “No harm done.” Merlin nodded. “What do you say to a pint and some chips?”

“It’s ten in the morning Harry.”

“I know.” Harry stood and made a call to the kitchen. “We didn’t get our morning beverages, so why not skip straight to lunch?” And who was Merlin to argue with that sort of logic?

They sat and enjoyed the food brought up. Merlin’s chips covered in too much vinegar and salt. Harry’s less so as he really never did like them doused like Merlin had.

“You are going to give yourself high blood pressure.” Harry pointed a chip in his direction and devoured it. “Too much salt, fried foods.” He shook his head with an indifferent smile.

“Says the man who’s liver consists of gin,” Merlin jabbed.

“Gin is an important part of my food group.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “It is!” Harry argued.

Chips, pints, and a sweet were consumed before Harry moved closer to drape an arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

There wasn’t a need to be sorry but the sentiment helped, despite all the other apologies he’d received over the years; this one was different.

“I have to tell Arthur,” Merlin muttered after a time.

Harry shifted away, brows came together in confusion. “Why would you have to do that?”

“It is the right thing to do, as he is not far from the agency Harry.”

“Ah.” Harry nodded his head. “I suppose that can be a problem.” Merlin wondered how much of a problem it would be. He sent a message via glasses, with the request to meet with Arthur when he was free; Merlin knew he had a few meetings set up.

“Guess I’ll find out how much of a problem it is in an hour.” Merlin was grateful for Harry as they stayed in a half hug embrace, no words spoken, just the silent comfort of two long time friends.

\---

“I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow, Merlin.” Arthur looked up, a small, generous smile on his lips. “Please, sit.” He waved his hand, gestured for Merlin to join him.

Merlin obliged and accepted the cuppa he offered. “Aye. I know it’s my day off, but I was headed in to help Harry on the range.” He sipped it, just a touch too sweet but wasn’t horrible.

“Oh yes!” He brightened. “Galahad has done well, but I fear the next meeting will still displease him.” For some reason that notion appeared to trouble the man. “But anyway.” Arthur waved a hand, as if to dismiss his own unspoken concern. “What can I do for you?”

Percival had always been kind, gentle, warm with Merlin. He had been curious for a time if it had to do with Eggsy, or if the loss of great agents seemed to bring them together. Regardless, he treated him with respect, always took his opinion in consideration when assigning missions, and just in general. It was nice to work with an Arthur who gave a damn about their agents, staff, and the world. He had worked under rule with King for too long and felt himself losing sight at times, but compassion never wavered; thank God.

“It’s what you can do for me.” Merlin finished half his tea, set it down and regarded him. “I have an issue, sir.”

The warmth dropped from his shoulders, no longer a friend that sat beside him, but his boss; the man in charge of more lives than should be fair.

“What is it Merlin?”

Merlin took a long, careful breath and said, “I went to a new coffee shop, not far from here, and I saw Eggsy.” He paused only long enough to watch something close to pity pass over Arthur’s features, a ghost of that day etched his expression, weighed on his face. “He works there, or owns it. I haven’t gotten that far, just came here.”

“When did this happen?”

“This morning.”

“Was there any indication he knew who you were?”

Merlin laughed, a sad, humorless sound. “No.” He shook his head. “No. He had no idea who I was.”

What Arthur said next looked as if it physically hurt him. “That’s good.” To be fair it hurt Merlin to hear it.

“Perhaps we pick up surveillance?” Merlin suggested. Thinking as a Quartermaster was a hell of a lot better than living in this grief he’d crawled out of; only to be shoved back, a punch to the face when he ran into Eggsy.

“We could, but he is so close. I think we need someone there, working undercover to be sure he has no recollection.” Arthur began typing against the tabletop, pulled up the agents roster so Merlin could see. “Unfortunately even if he acted like he didn’t know you, that doesn’t mean anything.” Merlin knew the doubt wasn’t emotionally driven, it boiled down to protecting the agency. “We need to be sure. I want someone with him, as much as possible. I’ll send the files to Mordred, for him to dig into this. How long he’s worked there, his schedule. I’ll have Lancelot go undercover, she is available, and our best with those missions.”

Merlin knew it to be true. “Wouldn’t that be difficult for her?” He knew better, but disregarding emotion was not in him at the moment. “I know we can’t be emotional, but they were close, Arthur.”

“I am aware, Merlin, but I need my best for this and Roxy is anything but professional when it’s called for.”

Just as soon as he spoke the words, Roxy entered the dining room, only after knocking with the approval to enter.

“Sir, Merlin.” She nodded and sat when Arthur suggested she do so. “A mission, sir?”

“Yes. I do believe there is a sensitive assignment I need you on.” Arthur went over the logistics, what Merlin had told him and the information that Mordred had provided via email.

Gary Unwin, owner and manager of A Cuppa Java. When it opened, who the workers were, and luck had it they were looking for more help.

Merlin sat back, watched Roxy’s face the whole time, and only little signs, twitches, that he had come accustomed to would give way she was nervous; though anxious might have been a better descriptor. A million emotions played over her face, but too quick for Percival to pick up, or if he had he didn’t say anything. But it was the way of the job, being Arthur didn’t allow you to have personal opinions on this sort of thing, not even when home. One of the many reasons Merlin had celebrated the loss of this job; he never wanted it.

“I’m going to need you to apply, of course Mordred will set up a stellar resume for you, and Eggsy will have no choice but to hire you.” Merlin watched him pull up a few digital forms Mordred had sent over, and was able to switch them to the screen in front of Roxy’s seat. Arthur surprised them both by grabbing Roxy’s hand, his blue eyes softened with understanding; everyone who cared about Eggsy felt the loss, as not just a wonderful person, but as an outstanding promise to be an agent. “You are my best. Undercover is your strong suit and you will get along quickly with him, just like you had in training. I need someone that close.” His tone pleading, eyes begged what he couldn’t say aloud.

“I know.” And for one moment she allowed a tear to slip down her cheek, before she composed herself, squeezed his hand and returned to the spectacular agent she was. “When do I start?”

They finished the briefing, more information would be available over the course of the day, and she was dismissed.

Despite this his heart cracked, shattered into broken pieces, Merlin had a question. It was something he had wondered since he left, only minutely, but if only to be able to see him again.

“Are we permitted to go to the shop? It wasn’t like I knew he worked there.”

Arthur nodded. “You are all adults, and I cannot control you outside of the job, nor do I really wish to possess control over any of you.” He finished an email and regarded Merlin. “You are a grown man. As your boss I cannot tell you no, but as your friend...Hamish-” his voice lowered to a whisper, “-I think you should be kind to your heart. It hasn’t been very long since you’ve started to look, sound, to BE yourself.”

“I understand.” Merlin stood, gave Percival’s shoulder a squeeze, a silent gesture that he was grateful. “I’ll return in the morning.”

“Good. Go get some rest.”

Merlin gave him a small nod and left. On his way home he stopped at the shop, but didn’t go in, just watched Eggsy for a moment as he talked adamantly to a customer. With his hands flying as he spoke, just like they always did. He didn’t linger too long, didn’t want to be seen nor seem like a creepy old man. So he finished his journey home, and thought maybe he’d be able to return for that coffee… to maybe hear Eggsy laugh; just maybe.


	4. Chapter 4

From that day forward he passed A Cuppa Java but never went in; Merlin didn’t think he’d be strong enough to see Eggsy again. Especially after that spectacularly horrible disaster last time, at least he’d like to think he wouldn’t go and try to touch the lad again, but he couldn’t make any promises so he just kept his head down, hands in his pockets, and trudged on.

They had started immediate surveillance, Roxy had gotten a job almost immediately, and reports showed she and Eggsy were quick mates; Merlin had no doubts of. Except they didn’t bond over wanker candidates or who could win best two out of three during sparring. No. This time they learned to find a friendship over coffee, how it was brewed, which one was Eggsy’s favorite; which Merlin already knew was an African blonde roast. He had chosen to stay off of the monitoring, but he was Merlin - the Quartermaster - so he had to read through files. It was less painful, at least, than watching; Merlin took a win where he could. Denying himself Eggsy’s pure face wasn’t a win, but perhaps better than putting himself through the extra heartache. At least to avoid ripping open his healing wounds that he’d just been able to lick, with the help of Harry of course.

The man sat to his left, pre-screening the schematics of a mansion for a mission they were to send Gawain on, and combed through intel they planned to send off to the agent. Arthur had Harry shadow every department in hopes he’d find a home, but each effort so far was shot down, or lost. Whether on Harry’s part or the supervisor who over saw his progress, and since Harry had failed the physical to return to the table, for a third time; they needed to place him somewhere.

“Have you gone?” Harry asked, after a few moments.

Merlin didn’t look up from Bors’ mission, which was just a simple in and out affair. Or that’s what Merlin told himself, prayed for, because the man had signed out two lighter grenades - that absolutely were NOT needed - and had managed to not use a single one...yet. He could hope the agent wouldn’t misuse tech just for the thrill of it, but Merlin’s worked with him for a decade and a half; he couldn’t remember a time Bors listened.

It had been two weeks that Harry’s been on his service, and Merlin didn’t kick him off yet. Which was a goddamn miracle in itself, he could recall times where dealing with him in the field gave him heartburn; Merlin actually developed an ulcer after Harry’s sixth near death experience.

“Gone where?” He watched the agent slip up to the roof, flash drive in hand that he’d slid in his pocket, and waltzed off without even a scratch; Merlin was proud. “Good job, agent. Extraction is twenty minutes out.”

Bors gave a thumbs up and sat on the ledge with his legs dangled three stories up. “Easy peasy, Merlin.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Aye. Now try not to blow anything up in those twenty minutes.” He grinned when Bors gave a throaty chuckle; he swapped the comms off so he could hear, but not be heard.

“To the shop.”

“The tailor shop?” Merlin frowned. “Every damn day, Harry. Ye sure your memory is okay?” They had done extensive MRI’s, CT scans and all came up clear. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust Statesman technology...it’s just that it wasn’t something Merlin had rigged up.

Harry rolled his eye, but kept his focus on the information he skimmed. “I swear you are more daft than people give you credit for.” Merlin kicked his leg under the desk. “And yes, my memory is fine. You and the ten bloody scans proved it.” There was a tinge of irritation in his smooth posh voice.

Merlin was at a loss. “Okay. If it isn’t Kingsman you speak of, then what is?”

Now Harry lifted his head to give him the bleakest, damn near saddest, look he’d ever seen on Harry’s face. They gazed at one another for a moment, Merlin’s challenging, expectant, Harry’s annoyed, almost pitiful but only a bit. Harry was the first to break away; odd at that because it’s usually Merlin to avert his eyes.

“The coffee shop.” His tone was so low that Merlin had almost missed it. “Lancelot has been there for three weeks, you’ve read the reports, and I thought maybe you’d go.” Harry shrugged. “You did mention it, but I didn’t want to press.” Like he wasn’t doing that exact thing right now, but his heart was in the right place; Merlin thought to himself.

“I don’t know that I can, Harry,” Merlin confessed. He wanted to add more except an explosion sounded through his speakers and Bors was quick to explain as he ascended the ladder of the helicopter, that he needed to go out with a bang. Merlin felt his blood pressure pound in his ears as he yelled at the agent for tossing an unnecessary explosive in the air, just for show.

\---

A few more weeks passed without Harry inquiring on his trips to the coffee shop, the trips he didn’t make; not really. Merlin always walked by, still not gathering enough bollocks to make it inside, but he liked to watch Eggsy walk about. Sometimes he had a customer, generally adamantly waving his hands about, with a bright smile as he spoke of something he was passionate about; it made his heart happy. He’d caught Roxy a few times, a small, gentle smile and wave directed his way; at least she didn’t text him and ask what the fuck he was doing.

“Walk with me?” Merlin asked one evening. He had JB at his desk most of the day. The little pug had enough of the kennels and it was a low key day so he brought him into the office.

Harry still worked beside him and Merlin wanted to offer him a proper position. The retired field agent was good at spotting holes Merlin would have missed, things he’d seen on the job and only his decades of experience would provide him with. Harry had an edge that no other handler did. Merlin planned to speak with Arthur about it in a week, to see if this was something Harry would enjoy doing the rest of his time at the agency.

“JB need a wee?” Harry asked as he logged off of his computer and straightened his desk to leave for the day. It was just after five and normally Merlin made himself log out by now, but he’d gotten caught up with a mission report from Lancelot. Turned out she had made a new acquaintance with a young lady named Trisha, a barista Eggsy had working at the shop, and they’d all be heading out for a date; Eggsy included. Merlin had sent her a message that it was more of a date with chaperone, but she didn’t want to be alone with the young lass yet. Which was the oddest fucking thing because his Lancelot was fierce; but it turned out this Trisha made Roxy feels things most others hadn’t.

Merlin took the pug’s lead, hooked it to his collar, and stood to wait for Harry. “Aye. And bring your cane. I saw you limping earlier.” He smiled brightly when Harry flipped him the two finger salute, but grabbed the needed assistive device anyway. “Come. There’s a trail behind the Estate I found a few years ago.”

Harry followed without question and Merlin made sure not to head too deeply into the woods; he didn’t want to tire his friend out but knew if he said that, Harry would toss a strop. They strolled in comfortable silence, stopping a few times for JB to mark a tree, rock, or take a shit that Merlin collected with a plastic bag; which still the worst part of owning a dog.

“This is lovely,” Harry breathed when they came to an open clearing. It was small, but a spacious enough break in the trees that the sun shined through. Not as bright this time of day.

Merlin settled on a bolder just to the left of the entrance, his face tipped up to the ever darkening sky. A lovely shade of blue, black at the very top that slowly morphed into light yellows, deep oranges with pink shades swirled into one as the sun set. In the corner of his eye he noted Harry sitting beside him, leaning forward to unhook JB’s lead, and tossing a stick for the dog to chase. A long moment of listening to JB trot ahead to catch the thrown stick, that Harry continued to toss, the ruffle of leaves against a light September breeze, and their easy breathing before Merlin decided to speak.

“I used to come here, when it first happened.” Harry stayed quiet, just allowed Merlin to say what he needed to; which Merlin appreciated more than he could articulate. “I found a sort of calm I couldn’t find anywhere else. It was quiet, none of the hustle and bustle we are used to, just me and nature.” He’d never quite enjoyed the outdoors like he should, but learned to love the natural beauty of it. How the trees, the wind, the world seemed to listen when no one else would; it never talked back, only absorbed.

“So I’d walk out here when I felt too overwhelmed to deal with all of the feelings I felt.” He paused, another few minutes went by, before he added, “I come here when missions go to shit, too, now.” Merlin leaned into Harry’s shoulder. “I came here when we found out you were alive. I thanked the sky for bringing something back to me.” He didn’t cry when Harry wrapped an arm around him, but it was a near thing. “I did come back when I saw Eggsy...but it wasn’t for thanks. I felt like the world was working against me, taunting me with the man I love, just dangling him in front of me. Always there, but never truly in reach.”

A soft set of lips pressed a firm, warm kiss to the top of his head; as a few tears trickled out.

“I don’t say this to be ignorant, but have you honestly ever considered just...just going there?” Harry was quiet, gentle, truly choosing his words with care. “I can’t say he’ll fall in love with you all over again, but he loved you like you loved him, right?” Merlin nodded, unable to speak, afraid his voice would betray him. “Hearts are a funny thing.”

Merlin laughed, a low, watery thing. “Says the man who never had love.”

Harry bumped his shoulder to Merlin’s. “Who said I never had love?” Merlin lifted his face at that, searching the one that he’s known for years, a question in his eyes. “Oliver...no, Percival.” He laughed. “Arthur and I had something once, then I fucked off and died.”

He felt his heart in his brogues. “Ye what?” Merlin sat back, shocked. “I’m yer bloody best mate for thirty goddamn years and I’m just finding this out now?” His accent thickened with each word, always did when he was upset, mad.

“Calm down. It was new, very new. But that’s beside the point.” Harry waved a hand about.

“Oh bullshit, ye are explaining.”

Harry smiled. “As I was SAYING, you rude ponce, when I couldn’t remember? There was this...almost aching feeling, like I was missing something. It wasn’t because I didn’t have Mother, or friends who I clearly had no other relations with; it was because of Oliver.” He mindlessly rubbed a palm over his heart. “Think this remembered before I could.”

There was another long pause, Merlin allowed the added information to sink in, before he asked, “Are you working to where-” he gestured with a hand, “-you two are back there.”

“No. We can’t ever have that again. I’m different, he’s different, and we both find ourselves in completely new positions.” Merlin hugged him tightly. “But-” Harry started, “-but we are finding something new.”

Hope filled the air around them, something Merlin had tried to push away since the day he saw Eggsy at that coffee shop, but somehow it worked it’s way back into his heart.

“You may be able to find new,” Harry offered.

“Maybe,” Merlin amended and gave Harry another squeeze. “Alright. Let’s get going before we have no natural light. I’d hate to have to peel ye off the ground.” He needed to make light of the conversation, it got a bit too serious.

“I hate you,” Harry declared, but his words carried no weight. They wandered back out together, JB trotting happily in front of them, and only made two stops this time. “Pint, fish and chips?” Harry asked when they loaded on the tube.

“Sure.”

\---

“What’s this?” Merlin pointed to the bag of premium coffee on his desk. Harry shrugged beside him as he shucked out of his jacket. “Harold.” He snatched the bag up, read the post-it note that declared the offering from the coffee fairy. “The bloody coffee fairy? So, what, being gay didn’t make ye enough of a fairy?” He chuckled when Harry punched him.

“I am bisexual, thank you very much, and do shut up! Like you are any straighter than I am.” He took the desk beside Merlin’s, Harry had accepted the offer the following week and was now a proper handler in training.

“I am far from it. I only shagged one bird, and that was probably the worst experience of my teenage life.” Merlin had always been gay, knew it from the time he was five, but society and all that bollocks. Mixed with a father who would bust his teeth out for even SMELLING gay, and he hid it well until he could move out; his mother always knew.

Harry snorted. “Stow it and brew us a pot.”

Merlin did just that and the first sip touched his soul; he loved this coffee.

The day passed in quick fashion, Merlin taught Harry how to decode a few security systems, unlock them and gain access. For a previous agent, he was quite good; Merlin was impressed. An entire bag of coffee, Merlin grumbling about greedy people who stopped in to sample his goodness, and a successful recon mission later - ran by Harry - and it was time to go.

“Those leeches drank all my coffee.” He didn’t pout when he tossed the empty bag into the rubbish bin. “I was hoping to use it instead of the horrid store bought Folgers in my cupboard.” Merlin had run out of his special coffee yesterday and was so bloody distracted with Harry’s training, he hadn’t ordered anymore.

Harry donned his jacket and kissed Merlin’s cheek. “Guess you’ll have to get some then, hm?”

Merlin turned to him, fear and anxiety etched his features. “Come with me,” he begged.

“I can’t. I have a date with Oliver.” Harry almost looked sorry...ALMOST. “Go get your coffee.” He gave Merlin a departing kiss on the cheek and left. The arsehole had this planned, Merlin just knew it.

He shut his computer down, reported off to Mordred who had the night shift, and headed home. Merlin took his usual route, always passing A Cuppa Java, but this time he headed up the steps to the shop, stood there for an embarrassingly long moment before the bell chimed signaling a customer entered.

“Hiya mate!” Of course it’d be Eggsy behind the counter, and not Roxy or Trisha, but Merlin knew from Lancelot’s latest entry that she was off today, bollocks. “What can I get you?” His smile was infectious; it hurt.

“A large, black with two sugars, please,” Merlin managed to choke past the lump in his throat.

Eggsy turned, his back just as attractive as it was five and a half years ago. “Which brew can I offer you?” He named off the four he had left for the day. “Oh! Hey! You are that bloke who liked the Colombian dark roast!” Eggsy flashed him a bright smile, blue-green eyes lit up; Merlin yearned to run his thumb along his lower lip, just to widen a smile that couldn’t possibly get any bigger, but always did.

“Aye.” Heat rushed to his face, all of a sudden he felt boyish. “Didn’t think you’d remember.” He hadn’t been here but three minutes.

“Sure!” Eggsy chirped, coming round the counter to grab two bags and headed back to pour Merlin’s to-go cup without asking which one he wanted; it was in that dark roast, of course. “Wondered when you’d come back. Hard pressed to sell that brand, most don’t like it, but I saw it through one of my suppliers and couldn’t put my finger on it, just had to order it.” He shrugged. “Guess waiting for you, yeah?” Eggsy tossed him a flirty wink.

Merlin felt all the air leave his lungs and it was all he could do to grab the cup of coffee and hand him money. Which Eggsy undercharged him, at least by half, for the beverage and fresh coffee he just purchased.

“Anything else I can get you?” Eggsy slid Merlin’s card back, bagged his goods, and leaned against the back counter.

All he could do was stare, like Icarus to the sun, Merlin was entranced.

Eggsy smiled, a small sheepish thing as he kicked off from his stance and waved a hand in front of Merlin. He blinked a few times, brain clearing and he was embarrassingly aware he had just stared at him.

“Lost you there, bruv, you good?” He looked worried, but a bit amused, even flattered if Merlin read his face right.

“Yes, sorry.” Merlin took a long pull of the cooling liquid and hummed, eyes fluttered shut as it swept over his palate. “I never tire of this brand, thank you.” He meant that for more than the coffee.

“Anytime.” The sincerity in such a simple word was overwhelming.

Merlin raised his cup, took the bag, and headed to the door. “Thank you. I’ll have to stop by again.”

Eggsy had a specific sparkle in his eyes, one Merlin easily recognized as interest, lust; like he hadn’t seen that expression on the lad before.

“I hope so.” Another flirty wink had Merlin blushing like a school boy. He fumbled with the door behind him, Eggsy gnawed his lower lip in a way that always had his groin aching for him, and finally found his way out before he busted a full boner in the shop.

Hope wasn’t the only thing Merlin had that night as he stroked one out.


	5. Chapter 5

The puff of hot, hard exhaled breath ghosted over his chest as Merlin drove in, thrusting them closer to coupled climax. Eggsy’s hands grew weak, feeble on his biceps, a soft set of desperate moans escaped parted lips. Merlin dipped in to quiet them, hush his cries in this moment because it was just them, all touch, feel, no noise, no words spoken; just them.

Merlin’s pace was a steady, precise, rhythmic rock of his hips that pressed his cock against Eggsy’s prostate. He lifted away, if only for a moment, to take a long, cleansing breath before he drove back in, drawing Eggsy’s lower lip between his teeth to entice a soft gasp that was followed by a delectable whimper. One Merlin hushed once more with his mouth, all claiming and possessive to consume each little mewl, desperate cry of pleasure and devour it through the kiss.

Eggsy’s hands snaked up his arms, curved around his shoulders and up to cup the nape of his neck; nails gingerly scraping along where his hairline would reside, evoking gooseflesh to rise in their wake. He eased up, a leg swung out to hook around his thigh and hold Merlin closer, as if he wasn’t already in his skin. With the new angle Eggsy worked to meet him thrust for thrust, hips snapped in perfect tandem with Merlin. It was all slow, a sultry movement that they’d perfected in the last 6 months together, like they were made for one another.

“Merlin,” Eggsy whispered between breaths. “Merlin.” His voice changed, sounded less like Eggsy, and it was the third, “Merlin.” When he woke up, eyes blinking rapidly to focus, and the painful realization that he’d fallen asleep at his desk rushed into his consciousness.

“Merlin.” It was now he recognized the voice to be Harry. He sat up stiffly, a crick in his back surely from the crouched position he had been in. “I thought you’d gone home.” There was no avoiding the worry in Harry’s calm, soothing tone.

Merlin groaned, for an entirely different reason, as he noted his dick was painfully erect, damn near ready to bust a nut from what he’d so clearly dreamed. Despite the blue balls he’d start to experience, an unwelcome loss settled in his chest; weighing on his heart. He attempted to pull himself together, batting away the tears that unwilling began to form and fall. Why was he crying? He never cried over sex, or erotic dreams for that matter, and perhaps it had to do with the dream itself. And it was just that.

Complete fiction made up from memories he’d tried to suppress for five and a half years. Not that it did him much good in the past, but he’d managed to live without intimate dreams of a lost love, a love who was still walking, heart beating, and looking just as gorgeous as he had five years ago. He hadn’t returned to the shop since that day, three weeks ago, and maybe it was a bit cowardice, or maybe...just maybe, it was to protect himself.

There was always that doubt in the back of his head, rightfully so, because there was no guarantee Eggsy would want a friendship with him, let alone a romantic relationship. But Harry had spoken of new beginnings and filled him with hope, hope that grew after he’d seen Eggsy and not through a screen, for more than five seconds. His charismatic personality still shined, an adorable little flirty wink or two was tossed his way, and it was all Merlin could do to control himself and not ask for a date right there.

“Hamish.” Harry snapped fingers in front of his face and did a hand wave. “Are you well?”

He dragged a tired, reluctant hand over his face and nodded. “Aye.” Even if he didn’t believe the words to be true.

What a fucking joke this was, that he’d actually believed all of his fears, heartbreak, and sorrow would disapear the moment he had an interaction with Eggsy. And maybe Harry was right, maybe they could have a new beginning, but fuck if Merlin was willing to find out right now.

“I handed off to Morrigan and Mordred. They were scheduled for the night shift. It’s well past eight, shouldn’t you head up to your suite?” Merlin hadn’t gone home again. After the initial butterflies in stomach, new crush feeling dissipated, Merlin had spiraled out again. It was no longer all hearts and flowers, seeing Eggsy for the first time with this magical expectation that they’d rekindle something that Eggsy didn’t even know existed, and so he’d taken JB, a few outfits and stayed here. “We could order shitty takeout and drink?” Harry offered, like the good friend he was.

An optimistic smile formed on his lips as Merlin rolled his neck, flexed his shoulders to work some range of motion back into them, and stood with hands clasped behind his back; Merlin lifted up on tiptoes to crack his back.

“Only if it’s Indian and one drink for ye because of your medications.” He ignored the eye roll Harry tossed his way but gave a hesitant nod. “You forget I know all the medications you take.” Merlin tidied his desk, putting it back to rights after he’d knocked over a few items, and picked up the fallen picture frame that contained JB rolling in fall leaves that he and Eggsy had captured one autumn day.

As he righted the photo, another slipped out from behind it and fell to the floor, before he could grab it, Harry - who how the fuck his reflexes were better than Merlin’s was beyond him - snatched it up. Merlin felt the heat rise in his cheeks, embarrassment flooding his mind, as he took it back with less manners than he’d ever executed, and shoved it back into place before clumsily returning it to its proper spot. He could feel Harry’s eye on him. Merlin prayed he didn’t question what that photo contained, and just let the ghosts rest.

“Aright. What would you like?” Merlin exhaled a breath he hadn’t known he’d held and fired off his order. He was pleasantly surprised when Harry didn’t mention the photo of himself and Eggsy the rest of the night.

And he did in fact only have one drink like Merlin had instructed.

\---

“No. No, like this Nat, yeah?” Merlin had offered to take a rotation watching surveillance during Roxy’s undercover mission, and right now Eggsy tried to show her how to clean the espresso machine… which was apparently for the sixth time. Merlin had to laugh, the girl was rubbish with coffee machines.

They still weren’t sure how long she’d stay there. It had been a month and a half, and everything seemed to be peachy, but with the close proximity of the coffee shop and tailor shop; they weren’t positive if they’d just rotate agents in and out to be sure. There had been little discussion about what they’d do IF Eggsy ever recovered memories; Merlin made a mental note to bring this up with Arthur.

“Sorry.” Roxy apologized, for the tenth time, as she fumbled with pieces of the machine.

“It’s alright. I was terrible with this one when we first got it in, it’s so fucking tedious and the amount of compartments is bloody ridiculous, but fuck it makes badass espresso.”

Roxy’s glasses tipped in a way that signaled she was smiling. “You really enjoy this, don’t you?”

Eggsy’s answering smile was so wide and joyful it hurt Merlin, but he’d wanted to see more of Eggsy, if only at a distance because he still hadn’t grown the bollocks to return; not that anyone pressured him to do so.

“I do.” Eggsy helped re-assemble the cleaned machine and pour fresh espresso beans in. “It wasn’t my first choice. I was in the Marines for a bit, well, training that was. I returned ‘cause of my mum.” He shrugged. “She was pregnant with my baby sister and going mental.”

“That was nice of you.”

“Yeah. She had a shit boyfriend who, thank fuck for V-Day, ain’t around anymore.” Eggsy looked up, panic in his blue-green eyes that softened fractionally with whatever face Roxy made. “I swear down I ain’t wishing death on people.” He busied himself wiping down the counter, something Merlin noticed he did when nervous. “But he wasn't a good person and beat me and my mum. Would hate to see him do that to Daisy.”

Roxy moved and mimicked what Eggsy did, both trying to look busy but clearly struggling to keep from comforting, or receiving comfort, from one another.

“But that’s in the past and I got this place.” Eggsy leaned back with a fond, accomplished grin in place as his eyes passed over his shop. “I love it.”

“It suits you.” Merlin could hear the sincerity in her words, a comparison of Eggsy’s former self and the person he was now, and he couldn’t find it in himself to argue with her. This life looked good on Eggsy.

Eggsy beamed at her. “Thanks mate!” He tossed the used flannel in a sink and hung his apron. “Hey, you wanna head out for some fish and chips? Just you and me this time?”

She moved about, wiping off a few more tables as she went, and stood beside Eggsy to remove her own apron and rid of the soiled flannel.

“Yeah. Trish has night class tonight, so I would be alone anyway.” Evidently this Trish and Roxy had hit it off quickly, but Merlin worried when Roxy wasn’t living this faux life what she’d do. Knowing Roxy, she’d break it off like a champ and push her feelings aside for the job, and that brought more pain and empathy than he’d ever wish for someone so young.

“Aces!” Eggsy exclaimed with a pep in his step and they headed out after locking up.

Merlin ended up watching the two the entire night, from the time they headed into the pub, up until they both drunkenly wandered through Eggsy’s flat, both careful not to wake his sleeping mum and sister, and flopped onto Eggsy’s bed where they passed out. He didn’t end up handing off communications to Mordred until seven in the morning, when the young man sleepily wandered in with the cup of coffee he hadn’t fully consumed yet, and likely resembling a zombie for the next hour. He tidied his work space, discarding the old, used paper coffee cups, and washed the few ceramic ones he had lying around.

“Have a good day,” Merlin wished Mordred on his way out. Armed with his plaid jacket, hat covering his bald head - it was rather chilly that morning per Mordred - and hands shoved in his pockets; Merlin loaded the bullet train.

Halfway to the shop Merlin had a thought and dug his mobile out to text Harry; he didn’t have to be in until noon today, and Merlin wondered if he’d keep JB longer. Turned out the pug enjoyed Harry’s company, far more than Tristan in the kennels, and Merlin had an inkling it had to do with the endless treats, pets, and privilege to sleep in the ponce’s bed. Regardless, he’d do anything to keep the little canine happy, and admittedly Harry, who craved a pet, but worried he couldn’t take care of it full time. So far he’d done a good job keeping his eye on JB.

As the train pulled up to Kingsman, Harry sent a message back assuring him JB was in good hands; Merlin knew that. The breeze was cool against his exposed skin, but the sun was warm in contrast and it wasn’t nearly as bad as Mordred depicted it to be. Then again the lad hadn’t grown up in Scotland where the air was a cool, salty mist mixed with the sea it was surrounded by. Even so, Merlin appreciated the warning as he set off to walk from the shop to his destination. He was on the night shift the rest of the week, and didn’t really feel like lying down as soon as he got home, so he traveled the same route he always did.

Except today he stopped in front of the four steps that led up to a place he had avoided like the plague, at least avoided going into for weeks. In part it was the desire to smell freshly brewed coffee mixed with the assorted baked goods A Cuppa Java offered, and partly because there would be a bright, sunny face sure to lighten his day. Merlin entered, the same bell chimed from above, and wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Eggsy nursing a mug, propped against the back counter.

“Morning.” Merlin could hear the rough edge in his accent, clearly not awake but he still beamed at him when he stood at the counter. “Don’t tell me.” Eggsy cautioned with a finger raised and his face displaying concentration. Merlin gathered he was trying to remember his previous order. “Black, dark roast, Columbian, with sugar, yeah?”

Merlin was impressed. “Aye.” He smiled as Eggsy’s widened with triumph. “That’s quite the memory ye have.” Merlin murmured as he looked over the sweets in the display case.

“Yeah. Mum said it’s a curse.” Eggsy said over his shoulder. “We have some fresh cinnamon rolls from the bakery a few doors over.”

“They do look good,” Merlin agreed. “You don’t bake any of these yourself?” He wondered. Merlin knew Eggsy couldn’t bake to save his arse, but things changed.

“Nah bruv. I am rubbish at that.” He placed the prepared mug on the counter. “I tried, don’t get me wrong, but by the tenth batch of charred biscuits my sister and mum begged me to stop.” Eggsy shook his head with a fond smile. “So I support the locals, yeah? Get some flowers from a florist nearby, purchase some local ground coffees.” Eggsy shrugged. “And they do the same for me. The bake shop purchases coffee from us, the florist holds some of my business cards.”

Merlin couldn’t help but watch how content Eggsy was, how happy he was; it hurt a little less to look at.

“I think that’s lovely,” Merlin commended. “And I’ll take two cinnamon rolls to go, please.” He produced his card and slid it across the counter as Eggsy gathered his baked goods into a blue and white striped box.

“Oh, fuck! Did you want that coffee in a to-go cup?” Eggsy worried as he taped up the package. “I wasn’t even thinking. Sorry.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, just like he always did when a little embarrassed; Merlin thought it adorable. “I usually don’t open on Thursday’s, but my usual called off, and here I am.”

“It is fine, no worries.” Merlin took a long, satisfying sip of coffee. A soft sigh escaped him, the first sip always touched his soul.

Eggsy nodded empathetically. “It’s that first one. Swear it is almost better than an orgasm.” His eyes grew wide, fearful, as he realized what he’d blurted out.

Merlin waved a dismissive hand. “I am not a prude, and that’s honestly the best damn description I’ve heard.” He accepted his card, receipt, and baked goods. “Care to join me at a table?” Merlin gestured with his chin, hands full with his purchases.

There wasn’t anyone else in there, and it looked like Eggsy could use a seat for an hour longer. A moment of hesitation, on Eggsy’s part, had Merlin trying to troubleshoot but soon Eggsy’s blue-green eyes softened, warmed a bit as he took his cup and came around.

“Sure.”

Together they sat at a small bistro table that was only big enough to fit their coffees and the box Merlin had that held a treat for himself and Harry, and enjoyed small conversation. Merlin had forgotten how much he enjoyed just talking to Eggsy about nothing. He had to be mindful to keep his hands in his lap, worried he’d make the wrong move and grasp Eggsy’s hand that rested comfortably beside his mug.

“So where do you work again?” Eggsy asked after finishing the last of his second cup.

“Kingsman Tailor’s.”

Eggsy watched him for a moment. “You work for a tailor shop?” There was just a hint of amusement. “I rather thought you were a tech guy.”

Merlin chuckled, how some things didn’t change. “I am,” he admitted. “I run the website side of things. Online sales, software development for the shop because technology is ever changing.”

“Now that sounds more up your alley.” Eggsy teased and softly nudged Merlin’s leg with his foot.

“Is it the glasses?” Merlin inquired, playing along. It was then the foot pressed against his wandered up, the toe of his trainer slipped along the bottom of Merlin’s trouser. Eggsy eyes were gentle, yet intense with an unspoken desire that coursed between them like an electric current.

“Yeah,” Eggsy breathed, leaning forward just a hair. “Definitely the glasses.”

On instinct Merlin tipped in as well, like he was drawn to Eggsy by some invisible force, until they were so close he could feel the hot, shallow breaths that left Eggsy. The feeling so familiar it was near impossible to keep from going all the way, to press his lips to Eggsy’s that were now parted so deliciously. Merlin’s eyes zeroed in on Eggsy’s that were drifting closed as he clearly intended to close the small space between them, and then as if a spell was being broken, Eggsy’s eyes snapped open when the doorbell rang and an errant mother with a screaming child barrelled in.

“Are you open?!” She asked, desperate. “And do you have a bathroom? Please tell me it’s child friendly.” She struggled to keep her toddler still, but the little boy was giving her a run for her money.

Eggsy cleared his throat and addressed his new customer. “Yeah. Just down that hall, the third door on the right is for families.” Merlin sat back, a bit dazed as he worked to clear his head. “Uhm,” Eggsy muttered as he turned back to Merlin. “Don’t know what came over me.” The apology was soft, but not entirely truthful.

Merlin shook his head, trying to wave off Eggsy’s doubt that he was too forward, and in an attempt to clear the fog from his head.

“Guess I better get back to work.” Eggsy took Merlin’s empty mug as well as his own and went back behind the counter where he tried to look busy while Merlin gathered his wits and his sweets.

“Thank you for the company,” Merlin told him sincerely.

Eggsy gave him a wide, relieved smile in response, and just as Merlin went to leave, Eggsy called, “Wait!” He stopped to watch Eggsy dart around the counter with a piece of paper in his hand and shoved it into Merlin’s pocket before he placed a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Call me sometime, or stop here. Whatever. I’d like to spend more time with you.”

There was so much hope in the eyes that Merlin’s loved for over six years, and how could he deny him what he’d want. Before Merlin could say anything Eggsy bounced away when his new customer resurfaced with a better behaved child, and an apology on her lips. Merlin stood in the doorway for a moment longer, long enough for Eggsy to gaze up at him with the same flirty wink he’d given him weeks ago.

With that Merlin left more dazed than he had been after that near kiss. He almost thought about not stopping at Harry’s, but he couldn’t leave JB there, so Merlin decided to walk a bit more until he didn’t look like a teenage boy, and resembled a man who hadn’t slept all night.

When he arrived at Harry's it seemed to work, because he was only kept long enough for the cinnamon rolls to be consumed, a cuppa offered, and just short of Harry being late to work; surprise.

As Merlin lay in bed, no longer able to find sleep, he programmed Eggsy’s number into his mobile and sent a text. He put his phone down with the hopes of slumber, but only ended up texting Eggsy back and forth, like a boy with a crush, until he finally passed out around six in the evening.

Merlin would have mourned the lack of sleep as he dragged his feet into his office ten that night, if it weren’t for the fact that he’d get to spend the night watching recorded feed of Eggsy that day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! 
> 
> Firstly, I'd like to give a huge apology how long this took me to get an update out. Life sort of...well it sort of stopped, as many of you know. I am an essential worker, a healthcare worker (I am a nurse) so my job has gotten a bit harder, more stressful and quite frankly a little scary at times. 
> 
> There was a period I thought I may have COVID, I got tested and thankfully it came back negative. But to say I have been a little distracted mentally, and exhausted - physically too - is an understatement. It is still ongoing, but I am trying to navigate, as most of us are, a new normal and find balance in my life again to include my bigger stories. I have not once forgotten about this story, or any of my other WIPs, but for all my trying I could NOT find the muse to make the words happen. 
> 
> But I made it happen today and I hope to keep with the story; I did miss it dearly. I thank you all for your patience and the lovely comments I have received, not just on this story, but countless others you are reading through this quarantine. 
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe, happy and healthy!
> 
> This chapter is not beta read, but the next ones to come should be - technical issues and all, woo internet - so please excuse my errors. I did read it over.

The days that followed were a bit brighter, at least Merlin thought so. As much as the black rain cloud hung over his head, a hole that he’d learned to live with resided in his heart, Merlin still found a little happy in his days. It wasn’t like he lived this dark and gloomy life, anyway, but he had been a touch more sullen than usual; rightfully so.

But it felt like all that was about to change, or on it’s way anyhow.

Merlin’s phone buzzed beside him, a tiny smile erupted on his lips as he guided Gawain through his assignment. It was surveillance in the City, a drug ring they had their eye on. London didn’t have anything spectacular, but it was enough to tip their radar and MI-6 to reach out for some assistance. Merlin reminded Q this was another debt that’d have to be paid, but as always the brains behind their operations vowed to be of such service to Merlin; he knew the lad would pull through when the time came.

There was another buzz. That almost annoying little ‘ _bzzt, bzzt_ ’ phones made. It was enough for Merlin’s hand to hover over it, and promptly pulled away when his fingers were needed for his actual job. Turned out a passerby thought their upscale Kingsman cab to be a prospective buyer. Merlin almost told Gawain’s driver, Jimmy, to pull away.

“Agent.” Merlin didn’t usually interrupt unless needed, but he had an idea. “Purchase one of everything he is selling. I can take it to the lab and have it analyzed, perhaps get a better idea.” He typed a bit. “Plant a bug if ye can, touch his sleeve when you exchange money for supply.” Gawain did just that. It wasn’t a huge variety, there were some oral drugs - medications usually prescribed by doctors, a few of their own concoction - and cannabis.

“Good job, agent.” Merlin signaled Mordred to tap into the bug. Soon they had full audio of the young man, and hoped to obtain a lead as to where this all started. “You are free to return back. I’ll notify Arthur and we can do a debrief in an hour.” He typed up a quick summary and sent it off to Arthur.

Just as he was about to refill his mug with coffee Merlin’s phone did that same ‘ _bzzt, bzzt_ ’ that halted his movements. A stupid, shit eating grin spread across his lips as he read the three texts Eggsy had sent.

They’d been going back and forth ever since their near kiss, and Merlin started to feel like a teenager again. It was an entirely new feeling, if he was being honest, since most of his teenage life revolved around hiding who he was, rather than embracing it. But he was in his bloody 50’s, wasn’t he? He’d love and talk to whom he’d like. Male or otherwise. His father would surely roll in his grave; Merlin was positive of that.

“Are you having some sort of secret online relationship?” Harry asked. The fact that he’d been silent this entire time, was a damn miracle; Merlin was positive he clued in after the first string of buzzes. “That thing has been buzzing the last hour. I thought your hand was going to spasm if it buzzed once more, and you couldn’t touch it.” Merlin hated that bastard sometimes...only sometimes tho.

Merlin ignored him for a moment and finished his message. “I am not having an online relationship,” he scoffed.

“Then who has you smiling like that? I haven’t seen that look on your face since…” Harry trailed off, like he connected the dots. Merlin gazed up at his new silence, Harry was never silent. Their eyes locked, and Merlin could see the wheels turning in Harry’s head. “Why were you late the other morning?” He squinted his eyes accusingly Merlin's way.

It was by sheer, stupid luck he hadn’t actually questioned it before now. Honestly Merlin never got that lucky, especially when it concerned his oldest, and dearest friend who by every right was a pain in the arse. But he was Merlin’s pain in the arse.

“You did bring me back pastry.” He mused with an accusatory tone. Merlin maintained his poker face, it wasn’t any of his damn business unless Merlin wanted it to be; he didn’t.

For once he didn’t have others breathing down his neck, he’d not returned to the shop since and Mordred kept his little secret. There was nothing of note on tape from that morning, and so no alarms sounded for anyone to bring the recording up to Arthur. Which left Merlin with his private moment, and dreams to build something from what had been destroyed. He remembered what Arthur said, how he warned Merlin in fear for his heart and not anything more, but Merlin wanted to keep his cards close to his chest. At this moment he played for keeps and didn’t want to risk Kingsman fucking that up for him again. Harry included.

Though, admittedly, he knew Harry wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize his happiness, but everything was new. Or as new as it would be. Because he still had those lingering moments he and Eggsy shared, and how everything was so quickly ripped from him in the wake of destruction. Like nothing else could have gone wrong then. He realized after a moment he clutched his cellular to his chest, as if Harry would dare to come forward and peek. Honestly Merlin didn’t put anything past this man, he always held onto some sort of childish decorum that was unbecoming of a man his age.

Harry squared his shoulders, straightening his cream colored jumper with brown, leather patches on the shoulders - because he did not want to match Merlin - and leveled a patient gaze. Merlin stiffened in preparation. He expected Harry to say something about friends keeping secrets and something cheesy like that, but that’s not what Merlin received.

“Is JB coming along for a sleepover with Uncle Harry? Or are you returning to your room with him.” Merlin exhaled the breath hadn't known he held in. Sometimes he forgot how much Harry understood him, so used to the man who acted first and asked questions later, but since his ‘death’ and resurrection, he was a new man.

“I hoped to head to the flat. I miss my bed.” He missed the home he and Eggsy shared. Though he’d made certain it looked nothing like it had, but he still considered it theirs.

Harry’s smile was small, soft and kind as he cupped his shoulder and gave it a comforting pat.

“Good. I plan to collect some takeout. Oliver has never seen Trading Places.” Merlin groaned. “Oh posh! It is a great movie!” He worked hard to suppress another sound of protest. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course. Enjoy your evening.” Merlin meant every word. He tidied up his desk before he had to meet Gawain in the dining room.

The meeting was quick. Arthur commended Merlin on his quick thinking, and suggestion to follow the young man and retrieve supply. Gawain was dismissed and Merlin headed to follow him out before he was called.

“Yes?” Merlin turned on his heel, staring at Arthur who gestured for him to take a seat. “Is everything alright, sir?” Merlin was rarely asked to stay behind.

“Of course. I just wanted to check in on you.” Merlin relaxed against the back of the chair. “Is that not what friends and colleagues do?” Arthur’s tone was gentle, like he spoke to a wounded animal, caution laced his words.

“I am,” Merlin replied carefully.

“Good!” There was an added chirp in his usual smooth accent. “I just wanted to be sure, as you know I oversee most of our very sensitive missions-” Ah, Merlin thought, he had an idea where this was headed, “-and you know that means I do comb through most of our undercover missions. They are, after all, some of our most important.” And Merlin did. They never handled those lightly. “So I am just checking in, as I saw you and Eggsy had spent a length of time together a few mornings ago.”

Merlin would have been concerned, if not for how open and honest Arthur was being. Nothing about his posture, voice or words, alarmed Merlin of some sort of threat. He knew better than to believe he wouldn’t have seen them together, not that he feared the man, just that he had hoped the something, that wasn’t anything yet, wouldn't be ended before it began.

“This is not a problem, Arthur. Is it?”

“No,” Arthur promised with a kind smile, blue eyes warm and sincere. “I told you, when this first started, that I have absolutely no desire to control my agents or staff...outside of their jobs, that is.” Merlin nodded and watched Arthur inhaled deeply, one slender leg crossed over the other, as he held Merlin’s eyes. “I meant that, Hamish,” he added quietly.

Hearing his Christian name spoken confirmed nothing about this was work related, and that his friend truly just cared enough to be sure Merlin wasn’t falling apart at the seams.

“Yeah.” Merlin beamed a little freely now. “I am okay.”

“Good.” Arthur reached forward to pat his hand. “You deserve far more than this agency has done to you. And I won’t take this away, okay?” Merlin sagged further into his chair, like three stones lifted off of his shoulders, his chest, and he could breathe again.

“Thank ye,” Merlin whispered, a tear slipped down his cheek. He’d never appreciated something more in his life, than he did right then.

\---

“Hiya!” Eggsy called from behind the counter. “Fancy seeing you here, mate.” He winked.

Merlin could get lost in that face, how his eyes sparkled and shimmered when Merlin walked in. Like he was some prize to be won and Eggsy hit the jackpot. But wasn’t that how he’d always looked at him before? It was good to know the heart seemed to recognize, even if he knowingly couldn’t grasp the past they shared. Merlin supposed Harry had been right, not that he’d mention that to him.

“I was on my way home and wanted some coffee.” Merlin shrugged, eyes scanned the menu as if he hadn’t memorized it in the last week. What he really wanted was the lad in front of him, but he promised to take it slow. His memory was perfect, Eggsy’s was not.

He stopped in more, mostly before work, ever since his conversation with Arthur. Merlin hadn’t realized he denied himself Eggsy’s presence, even if subconsciously, without the approval of Arthur. There was no need to acquire it, yet he sought it in fear they’d yank it all away. At least now he could wander in, a clear head and heart, and see Eggsy whenever he liked.

“Well lucky you, I have a bit of that roast you love so much. Just made a pot about an hour ago, don’t know why.” Eggsy rambled as he worked, much like he always did. It always intrigued Merlin how Eggsy was so similar, yet so different in this setting. “But guess I hoped a good looking Scot would stop by, yeah?” His cheeks creased adorably, his smile wide and soft for Merlin.

Oh how he missed waking up to it every morning; the pain stabbed deep.

Merlin made a show of looking around, playing like he didn’t know who Eggsy meant. Eggsy laughed, a bright, sunny sound that filled Merlin’s ears; he loved him so much.

“Here. Just as you like it.” Eggsy handed him a to-go cup. Their fingers brushed as Eggsy passed him the beverage, and it didn’t go unnoticed how they lingered a moment. “On the house.”

They watched one another for a long moment, much like they did a week and a half ago. The same energy rippled through the air, like an electric current, a pull that Merlin couldn’t see as they leaned into one another. There were lots of texting, talking on the phone, feelings passed between two people who hadn’t spent longer than two hours in the same room, and yet they had. Somehow he couldn’t deny how new, and familiar this all felt, but to Eggsy this was foreign.

“Are you closing?” Merlin wondered, finally breaking the heavy silence. A silence that filled with more words than either could speak.

Eggsy shook his head, his body seemed to fight between need and professionalism. “Jamal is. I’m off in ten minutes,” he whispered. His breath was hot and heady as it ghosted across Merlin’s lips.

“Would you like to join me on a walk?” He desperately wanted to get Eggsy outside this shop.

The answering smile Merlin received was wide and bright, as Eggsy reached forward to trace Merlin’s lip. Merlin’s eyes slipped shut as he relished the sensation; his body remembered far more than he wanted to admit, and it killed him. Yet it also filled hollow parts that he didn’t know existed.

“I’d like that very much.” Just as quick as they’d shared personal space, it was gone when the overhead bell rang, and someone wandered into the shop.

The way Eggsy greeted the young man signaled it was Jamal. Merlin slipped to the side, tried to seem interested in the red raspberry Macarons Eggsy had as a special for the day, but all he could do was shift a few glances his way. He was gorgeous, so much more than Merlin would ever be able to describe.

Eggsy was adamantly talking, like he always did, as he handed off to his other worker but it was clear to Merlin they were real good friends too. He remembered Eggsy talking of his mates, Jamal’s names among them, and how they had plans for a game night with beer, pizza and snacks. Of course, that never happened. The reality turned his stomach, a sourness settled there, he pushed it aside when Eggsy bounced beside him with his own beverage in hand.

“Ready?” The excitement radiated off of him in waves. Eggsy had always been a high energy individual, Merlin was glad some things never changed.

“I am.”

They chatted about the day. How Eggsy had a customer who spent twenty minutes deciding if they wanted caramel or vanilla. Merlin never understood people who didn’t know, and were prepared with their order and mindlessly looked over the menu like they’d never been to a coffee shop before. Then again he didn’t get the fuss with so much sugar and cream, fancy brews and foams Merlin had tried and never cared for. He was simple, always had been, and it was a straight order. Either his usual, black with a bit of sweetener, or a London Fog when he felt like shaking things up a bit.

“But enough about my day.” Eggsy walked ahead and turned so he headed backwards to face Merlin. “Tell me about yours! Anything exciting in the internet world of Kingsman?”

Merlin laughed. There were many exciting things about his job, but none that he could admit to.

“There isn’t a lot of excitement involving website development and ensuring everyone's order ship accordingly, and oh! Finding one of your staff on porn hub, that’s always fun.” That was honest to God true. Mordred forgot to clear his browsing history after his lunch hour, and now Merlin understood why the lad was so relaxed afterward.

“No, bruv! Not at work!” Eggsy hung his head, like it was something he'd never done at HQ...but this Eggsy didn't recall any of that, so Merlin kept the snicker to himself. Eggsy peeked over his shoulder a few times, to ensure he didn’t run into any other pedestrian’s in Hyde Park, as they strolled through. “What do you do for fun?”

Merlin watched him a moment, hands in his pockets as the evening grew short and night was soon to come, a slight chill to the air.

“Not a lot, actually.” There were days filled with takeout mess, games played on a console Merlin had no idea how to use and long, warm lush baths with the person in front of him. He couldn’t rightfully name these things and his life had been shit since then. Right now he led a boring, mundane life outside of Kingsman. One that he didn’t even like himself. “I read. Romance novels, mostly.” He shrugged. “Other than that I am not much fun.”

Eggsy skipped beside him, an arm weaved through one of Merlin’s in a gesture that they’d practiced many times before, and leaned in a little.

“I think you’re lots of fun, and just haven’t found the right person to have fun with.”

They stopped to watch the sun as it made its descent from the sky, turning the sky pretty reds, oranges and yellows that mixed into the night.

Merlin twisted a bit to better face Eggsy, and when he turned to meet Merlin he held his gaze. There were worlds to be seen through Eggsy's eyes, how they held depths that only Merlin could see. All of the love, care and loyalty still shined through, even when all Merlin could see was his own desperation and need mirrored back. 

“I’m pretty sure I have.” It was a lot to say in a relationship that wasn’t even a relationship yet, but that didn’t stop Eggsy’s blue-green eyes from softening, turning completely warm and gentle as what Merlin said sunk in.

Before he could register what was about to happen, their lips met. It was slow, careful, like Eggsy gauged Merlin's reaction, and his was anything but accepting as he melted into Eggsy's lips. They were just as silky and smooth as Merlin remembered, and it took all his strength and restraint not to weave his fingers through Eggsy’s waves, to hold him there longer than the brief exchange they shared. It was an incredibly forward gesture, but fuck if Merlin actually gave a shit. Somewhere deep down he supposed he should care; he didn’t.

“Me too,” Eggsy whispered just a hair from his mouth.

He grinned when their lips touched again, just as tender and simple as the first. Merlin hoped, prayed and begged that he’d have more. That all of this would lead to something they once had, maybe not the same, but a new love that could grow and flourish past the loneliness Kingsman cursed Merlin with. 

For once, in nearly six years, Merlin had true, solid hope.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!
> 
> I know I have expressed in other stories that I am sorry for the delay in updates. For one the whole COVID outbreak, and I am an essential worker - I might have mentioned it - and actually came down with COVID myself over a week ago. I am doing much better and on the mend. I am in the zone for writing, and this story, and I should be updating once or twice a week again - barring availability and all that. 
> 
> This chapter was beta read by Snafu07, as always, and all the love to her!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy and are staying safe and healthy!

“No, little miss!” Merlin could hear Eggsy chastised someone - who couldn’t have been a grown adult for his tone - and his suspicions confirmed when a little whine followed Eggsy’s next words. “Those are for someone special, you ain’t to touch them, you hear me?” He had to bite his lip, as a giggle threatened to break through, and Eggsy had to know a customer was in the front.

The bell did ring.

“Be right out!” Eggsy called.

Merlin wandered about, like he hadn’t been to the shop a million times over now, and collected a few bags of his favorite dark roast and one of the blonde. It was surprisingly stronger, in terms of caffeine, and he liked it in the afternoon as opposed to the taste of his bitterly delightful dark roast. He kept one hand clasped firmly behind his back, a surprise for Eggsy, just as someone barrelled through the back door. He suspected Eggsy, but what he ended up with was a pair of pigtails that bounced, a little angel’s chin barely cresting the counter as a tiny face peered up and over.

“Hullo,” she whispered. No doubt this was little Daisy, who had grown a might bigger than the photos Eggsy had shown Merlin years ago. She had to be about seven or eight now, and she looked so gorgeous too. “I’d help, but Eggsy said no talking to strangers.”

“He’s right,” Merlin amended. But her blue eyes were curious, thoughtful, almost as if she recognized him. Which wasn’t possible, Merlin hadn’t ever met the girl before.

“You’re that bald man. The one Eggsy likes.” Daisy smiled, looking so proud of herself. “He talks about you.” She wandered off as she spoke, gathering a step stool to stand on and better face Merlin. “I’m Daisy.” She offered a small hand.

Merlin took hers in his. “Hamish,” he bowed. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Dais!” Eggsy flew out like a bullet. “I told you to stay in back!” He hissed, wrapping his arms around her small waist and dragged her off to said room.

“But I wanna say hi to the pretty bald man!” Daisy whined as her brother basically shoved her through the door, looking far more embarrassed than he had the right to, and tried to appease her with his phone.

It was comical, to say the least, and Merlin was a bit chuffed that Eggsy seemed to speak of him. Of course he would! They’d only texted back and forth for weeks - a part of Merlin wondered if his cellular company would question the influx of activity - and had gone on a few walks. Once they even stopped for a sausage at a shop not far from Eggsy’s. It was nice, to say the least, and he felt like he got to know someone, who he admittedly thought he knew inside and out, all over again.

Eggsy darted back out with a box in hand this time, a look of sheer displeasure mixed with a fondness that was likely reserved for his sister, and awkwardly situated his vest that didn’t need straightening.

“Hey Hamish.” Eggsy finally greeted with a loving smile, that Merlin noticed Eggsy did only around him, and a delicate blush that colored his cheeks. “Sorry about that. My mum’s sitter canceled on her and she’s doing a double shift at the hospital.” Eggsy scratched the back of his neck, a tick he’d done when nervous. “And I said I could keep an eye on her, only problem is Natalie can’t come in for another hour.” He gestured toward the back room. “So got me stuck with my seven year old sis til then.”

“That is quite alright.” They didn’t have any plans anyway, but something about Eggsy’s apology held more disappointment than Daisy running out here when Eggsy told her not to. “I’d like to purchase these.” Merlin stacked the bags of coffee and specialty truffles he found as he browsed.

Eggsy nodded in approval as he rang everything up. “These are the best. I’ve had them a few times and loved them so much I just needed to sell them here. Turns out they’re a hit.” Merlin had also had them before.

They were a brand he’d bought Eggsy on a few occasions. There was this sweets shop a few streets over, Mr. Anderson had some of the best specialty chocolates Merlin had ever had, and this specific variation of truffle was Eggsy’s favorite. A part of him wanted to question how much of this was subconscious, or conscious choices, but they had Roxy here and if she felt anything was off, she’d let them know.

“Always supporting locals, aye?” Merlin loved that about Eggsy. How his shop showcased all the finer things around London. It was nice. Small businesses needed the support of others and their community, and it was so Eggsy to run his own coffee shop that way.

“Yeah.” The blush on his cheeks deepened. “Good business, yeah.” He nodded to himself as he placed everything into the echo friendly plastic bags he used. Merlin knew that wasn’t a cheap expense. “There you are.” He absolutely adored the way Eggsy paid attention to the environment.

There was so something so pure about the man he’d grown to be in their time apart. Maybe, outside of the love lost, this wasn’t so bad. He flourished, thrived in this setting; it captivated Merlin. He took the purchased goods and nearly forgot the item he’d somehow contained behind his person this entire time. Before Eggsy could send him off, Merlin produced a bouquet of sunflowers. He had seen them on his way to the shop and they were bright and sunny, just like Eggsy.

“I saw these and thought of ye.” Merlin shrugged, like it was a simple gesture you did for someone you were sort of, kind of dating. He thought maybe they were on their way to that; Merlin hoped. “They should last a week and a half or so. I tried to pick some that weren’t fully opened yet.” He touched a petal. “That way ye have a bit of sun a little longer.”

Okay. That sounded way more cliche than Merlin planned it, but before he could back track and embarrass himself further, Eggsy was headed around the counter and clashed against Merlin’s chest. He had no time to react, not really, as Eggsy’s mouth seared to his in a rough, claiming kiss. It was worlds different from the ones they shared the last few weeks, but not far from memory. Nights where they spent lost in each other's skin and didn’t move from the bed, where kisses such as this were passed and hunger coursed between two desperate bodies, flooded his conscious. It was all Merlin could do not to bust a nut right here. Once he found his head, Merlin returned the kiss in kind, a bit gentler than Eggsy’s eager suit, yet contained all the yearning he’d tried to keep at bay.

A small titter from behind the counter is what caused them to break away. A shy smile spread across Eggsy’s face, cheeks pinked at the realization of their audience, as he glanced over his shoulder where Daisy seemed to enjoy the romantic exchange they shared.

“Dais,” he warned in a tone that belonged to a father, which he supposed Eggsy was plenty of that to the little blonde. “What did I say?”

Her smile only widened as she backed away, eyes never leaving the two, and slowly returned to her earlier spot.

“Sorry about that.” Eggsy shook his head. His attention returned to Merlin. It would have been comical the way Eggsy’s pupils enlarged like he just realized what had happened, but Merlin didn’t want to break the contact. So when Eggsy went to pull away, Merlin held a firm hand around his waist, and hoped to convey sincerity in his eyes when Eggsy passed him a concerned glance.

“It’s okay.” Merlin spoke of more than just his sister crashing their snog session. “I had a question for you.” Eggsy paused, seemingly entranced with anticipation to Merlin’s next words. “I’d like to have you over, for dinner. A proper date.” Merlin provided more clarification. “The walks are lovely, but I’d really like to get to know you more.”

It was the best reason for it all, really, because what about Eggsy didn’t Merlin know?

“Alright.” Eggsy’s smile was soft and shy, so different from the cheeky ones Merlin grew to know and love.

“How’s this Friday sound?”

“Perfect.” Eggsy went to slip away but not before a soft, parting kiss was dropped to Merlin’s lips. “Text me your address, yeah?” There was this floaty, almost high feeling that filled him as he started for the door, eyes never leaving Eggsy, and tossed a nod his way. He never anticipated something that seemed to be so familiar, to feel so new, and exhilarating. It was beautiful in it’s own way. There was an extra bounce in his step the whole way home.

\---

“What if I cock it up?” Merlin paced his office. If he had any hair to speak of, he’d be pulling it right out from the roots at this very second. So he settled on running a hand over his bald head obsessively, like that would satisfy his current need. Maybe he could pull Harry’s hair? Though the man would surely call him mental, likely report him to Arthur, and then he’d have a bag of new issues outside the current one.

Harry continued to guide Lamorak, likely ignoring Merlin and his irrational behavior.

His feelings weren’t unjustifiable. It was perfectly normal to have cold feet before a date. A date with the love of his life. A date with a man that he knew inherently everything about, but had to act like he didn’t. Maybe that was the source of his newfound anxiety. Bugger all.

“I could slip up, ye know!” He barked. Still no response from Harry and that might be the most annoying thing of all. “I am having a crisis, Harry!” As the words left his lips, Merlin was painfully aware how psychotic he sounded. He flopped in his chair with a loud huff, maybe he should just give up.

Maybe he should cancel!

Before he could even pull his cellular out, Harry reached over and smacked his hand like he had read Merlin’s mind.

“Hold off.” Harry hissed, hand covered the mic so that his agent didn’t hear him scold Merlin like he was a child.

Perhaps he was behaving in poor taste, he knew Harry would tell him so. But that was beside the point. He had a dinner to cook, a flat to dust - not really, he didn’t make enough mess to say so - and a dog to walk. JB! The thought pulled a deep, aching fear at his heart. What if Eggsy recognized him. Like he’d all of a sudden recall everything from the sight of the canine he’d cared for, raised, and ultimately been forced to forget.

Merlin stood again, pacing his office like a caged animal, not giving notice to Harry who’d finished his assignment and was staring at him like Merlin had gone crazy. Somewhere deep in his head, he thought he might have, but these were valid things to fuss about.

“You are going to drive me nuts.” Harry had stood, taking Merlin by the shoulders, and guided him back to his chair. “Sit.” He shoved him down, forcing Merlin to comply despite his unwillingness, and wandered off to pour drinks.

He would have protested that, even though the alcohol might do him some good, except that it was thrust in his face with not so much as a ‘care for a drink?’. And wasted liquor was frowned upon, especially to Harry. He’d consider it almost as disrespectful if you’d spit in his face, and Merlin wasn’t about to piss the man off. The brandy scorched its way down his esophagus and settled in a warm, fiery puddle in his stomach.

“Now.” Harry took his spot once more, but faced Merlin. “What is it that you are having a strop about?” Merlin opened his mouth to deny the fact, but Harry waved a hand. “Do not. Save us the extra dramatics. You were having a strop. Do yourself a favor and try hard not to stoop to my level.”

The accusation would have been funny, if it wasn’t true. He’d been so absorbed, so damn worried! Merlin hadn’t realized he morphed into Harry.

“Aye, ye are right.” Harry rolled his eye. “I am worried about tonight.” Harry nodded his head, so patient and understanding, it sometimes troubled Merlin. “What if I make a mistake? And I don’t mean the regular ‘you fucked up’ mistakes that can take place on a first date.” That was it, though.

Nothing about their situation was normal, ideal, or bloody conventional. He had so much more riding on tonight than ‘oops I burned the garlic bread’ and that scared him. Merlin didn’t fear much, but this...a second chance with the man he loved? Yeah. That had him with his tail between his legs.

“You could.” Harry finally agreed. That wasn’t exactly what he’d expected. Maybe his worries soothed a bit. “I won’t lie to you, Hamish. Things could go absolutely tits up, but-” He added when Merlin’s face fell a fraction. “-Everything could work out just fine and you can end the night with a nice cuddle, or perhaps a goodnight kiss.” At least he didn’t say goodnight shag. “There are many variables, ones I know you’re sensitive to, but it’d do you no good to worry about them. Go home. Have a nice bath. Prepare your dinner and woo the love of your life.”

“You give some of the best advice sometimes.”

Harry chuckled. “I know. Scary isn’t it?”

“It is.” Merlin was used to being the level headed one in their friendship. He downed the rest of the brandy and stood to collect Harry’s tumblr. “Thanks.” He told him before he wandered off.

He followed Harry’s suggestions and found himself incredibly mellow by the time he’d strained the pasta and tossed it in the red sauce he’d had simmering all day. Whether it was from the alcohol or the bath, Merlin wasn’t sure, all he knew was his heart only pounded half the rate it would have, once Eggsy showed up.

The kiss they shared was soft and sweet as Eggsy stepped in with a bottle of Dolcetto that would pair perfectly with the sausage and red wine sauce he’d prepared.

“Let me take your jacket.” Merlin took the navy button down peacoat to hang beside the door.

JB was the next to greet their guest, the pug bounced and whined at the sight of Eggsy. He’d thought at lengths and decided to keep him. Eggsy, of course, was smitten with JB from the first second.

“Hey there!” Eggsy didn’t hesitate a moment as he scooped the pug up and happily accepted the licks he received. “Friendly little guy, ain’t you?”

Merlin stood a moment too long watching them. JB all but crawled beneath Eggsy’s heather grey button down. It was darling and almost painful.

Eggsy caught sight of Merlin, his usually bright and cheery eyes turned worried in an instance. “Is this not okay?”

“Oh! Yes, of course. He loves people.” Merlin smiled, hoped it was genuine, and gave JB a scratch between the ears. “Come. Make yourself at home.” He led Eggsy into the sitting room, where he sat on the sofa, and JB making a home on his lap.

Eggsy looked magnificent. His clothing choice was simple, but history notified Merlin that he’d put thought into the shirt, pressed black trousers, and style of his hair.

“I hope the wine was okay.” Eggsy tipped his chin, gesturing to the bottle in Merlin’s hand.

“Oh, yes.” He shook his head. Get it together Merlin. “Forgive me. It’s been a bit since I had a first date.”

Eggsy chuckled, mirth warm in his voice. “Yeah, me too.” That loosened tension in Merlin’s shoulders.

“But we are having Italian, I hope that will do?” Merlin knew it would. Spaghetti was one of Eggsy’s favorites and he quite enjoyed Merlin’s all day simmer sauce.

“I love Italian!” Eggsy enthused.

They spent a few more moments talking about things that didn’t matter, but meant the world, like how Eggsy’s day was. How Merlin’s workday wasn’t much fun, and it really wasn’t. He had a budget meeting with Arthur and those sort of things always evoked heartburn. Not because the man was bad with the budget, but because it seemed he was more frugal than Merlin. He could only cut costs as much as possible. He had a point, though, putting more money into an agent’s armor was smart, just not at all feasible if you wanted tech that wouldn’t fall apart after one use. It was an ongoing battle.

“This looks wonderful!” Eggsy gushed as Merlin dished out salad, then plates of spaghetti. Eggsy had poured the wine.

Merlin sat across from Eggsy. He always felt better to face his guest, and they raised their glasses.

“To first dates.” Eggsy smiled brightly.

“Aye.” Merlin agreed as the crystal met in a familiar chime.

And to no surprise, Eggsy tucked in like it was his last meal, and even had seconds. Merlin, on the other hand, was too damn entranced by the sheer sight of Eggsy to finish more than three quarters of his meal. It wasn’t for the sake of an empty stomach, but that he was captivating in every way possible, and things as simple as eating pulled at Merlin’s heartstrings.

It brought new and old feelings to the surface, almost bubble over, and consumed him. Even more so than Eggsy enjoying what he’d made, the weight of his ankle against Merlin’s was like the cherry on a sundae. It was warm, achingly familiar, and everything he’d hoped and missed.

Despite every worry and concern he’d had, Merlin enjoyed it. There wasn’t anything about the evening he would change, not even kissing the chocolate icing, from the cake he made, off of Eggsy’s chin. It was magical, fun and everything else in between. Even if they didn’t end the night with a cuddle on the sofa, but instead talked until he felt his voice go hoarse and laughed more than he ever remembered doing in recent years.

Instead he ended it with Eggsy by the doorway, hands tangled together like two teenagers, and the dopiest smiles that could ever be seen on two grown men.

“This was great.” Eggsy leaned in, like he didn’t want to leave, and Merlin wanted to scream stay, but first dates and all that. “I’d love to do it again.”

Merlin gravitated closer, their chests brushed one another, like he didn’t want to let him go; he really didn’t.

“I would too.” His reply was soft. “Very much,” Merlin added on exhale.

“Yeah,” Eggsy echoed, his body grew impossibly closer. As if the two had any more room to spare between them, and lifted up until their lips touched.

On instinct Merlin’s hand slipped around Eggsy’s waist to his back, slipping down until he cradled the small of his back and held him there, deepening the kiss. It went on for what felt like hours, until both broke away to gasp for oxygen they’d deprived one another, and went back for a shorter pass of lips.

“I’m going now,” Eggsy murmured into the third one. But he didn’t move. Nothing about his body language resonated with what his words did. “Promise.”

They were delicate, small ones that were pressed over and over.

“Leaving now.” The door hadn’t even been opened yet, and Merlin had a mind to keep it that way. “I really should go…”

“You don’t have to.” Merlin met the heated gaze Eggsy gave him from beneath thick, golden eyelashes. So many desires were passed between the two, ones that didn’t need words to be conveyed, and before he could promise Eggsy it was okay, the lad crashed into him.

Not a coherent thought slipped through his mind, nothing but pure ecstasy and passion was felt the rest of the night as he lived in Eggsy’s skin. It wasn’t until they were both curled together, a mass of tangled limbs and chest heaved with deep breaths inhaled, did he even give a thought to what had just happened. They had sex. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to put those pieces together and yet it still seemed like a goddamn epiphany.

How pathetic was that?

Regardless, he tightened his arms around the warm body pressed against his, and breathed in the familiar scent of Eggsy, and drifted to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have risen from the dead!! More like I’ve had SO many other ideas grab me by my fictional balls, and won’t let go. But this has been on my mind the last week, and wanted to get a chapter out. 
> 
> The world is weird, so is life, but I’m *praying* to get this finished by fall—as long as the muse cooperates—and mark another WIP done. 
> 
> Thank you all for your infinite patience with this fic, I truly do appreciate it and hope you all enjoy the update!
> 
> Stay well and healthy <3

The next morning was spent alone and if only because Eggsy had to open his shop. But that didn’t stop Merlin from giving him soft, lingering kisses at the door, as if they wouldn’t see one another again, knowing how foolish that were. And barely wanted to allow him to leave. If he had his way, Merlin would tell him to forget the job, lay with him and offer a life of comfort and security. Stay with me, forever, was barely contained from leaving his lips. The night's events were something magical, all the old and new feelings came and crashed around him like waves lapped up the shore. It was a moment he wished to live in, and would cherish forever. Because Merlin not only had his ‘first’ time with Eggsy years ago, but he got to experience it again.

Not many people could say that. 

Despite a constant yearning to keep Eggsy close, Merlin let him go and relished the act he wasn't due at HQ, thank God, and made himself busy preparing an egg-white omelette with red bell pepper and green onion mixed in. He read the news off his tablet, took JB on a long needed walk, and found himself obsessively checking his phone. Eggsy had sent a few texts, perhaps it was a busy morning at the shop, and so Merlin didn’t trouble the lad much. It wasn’t until evening, when he knew Eggsy should be home, did Merlin begin to worry. There had been sparse conversation, nothing in depth and heartfelt as the previous weeks responses had been, and so caused worry to thicken in his chest.

Maybe last night had been too much? He hadn’t been too forward, no. At least when he played it over and over in his mind, Merlin didn’t see where his advances had been pushy, or unwelcome for that matter. Yet he couldn’t shake this feeling, it nagged at him, gnawing the pit of his stomach until a hole would emerge and his intestines would fall through it; he didn’t like this.

He tried to sleep on it, and when there had been even less response the next day, Merlin had really begun to fret. Not knowing what else to do, Merlin called Harry and that could both be exactly what he needed, and terrible.

“You had sex?” Harry asked patiently. It was both annoying and welcome, appreciated, as Merlin spilled his heart out after three Scotches. If he didn’t slow down, he’d turn into the functional alcoholic Harry was before V-Day. “As in full blown—“ Harry demonstrated with a forefinger, shoving it in and out of the O he made with his other hand, as if he spoke the words it would taint his decades ruined innocence. “—that kind?”

Merlin rolled his eyes so hard it hurt. “What other bloody kind is there, Harry?!” He shouted, hands tossed up above his head; he was so fucking exasperated at this point. “Aye! Like that, ye pillock.” Patience was not his best friend, not right then. Especially when your best friends name was Harry Hart, where patience were the literal definition of virtue. “If it had been anything else, I’d have told ye!”

Harry nodded. “Alright.” He continued to pace the length of his sitting room, allowing Harry to mentally process what had happened. From the moment Eggsy walked through the door, to his departure the next morning. Every. Single. Little. Detail. Merlin laid it all out on the table, because Harry couldn’t properly advise him without all pertinent information. Christ. He made it sound like fucking intel for an assignment.

“And since your little...rondevu, texting has decreased by 50%?” Harry offered, trying his hardest to decipher Eggsy’s feelings based off of the messages Merlin had shown him and details of their date. “Maybe he’s just as nervous as you are, Hamish,” he offered quietly.

“It reduced by 66%, Harry.”

“Of course you’d have the precise number,” Harry grumbled under his breath, and added, “But he worked all weekend, you said?” Merlin nodded as he plopped into his overstuffed, checked armchair. “Perhaps he is tired.” He could hear how understanding and tolerant Harry tried to be, but there was just that undertone of ‘you’re acting like a drama llama’ in his voice. 

Which would have been comical, considering the implication was generally directed toward Harry, but Merlin was short of finding these sort of things funny. 

“Or maybe I fucked the love of my life, and scared him away.” That was never a sentence Merlin envisioned coming out of his mouth, especially when you put ‘love of my life’ ‘fucking’ and ‘scared’ into the mix. But, alas, life had thoroughly fucked him up the arse, without prep or lube, and sent him off to deal with the aftermath.

Or Kingsman, rather. He tried to shove down his ever growing irritation toward this cock up of a situation; it was hard. Sometimes Merlin felt like a broken damn record, six years later, and continued to play the same song and dance since he darted Eggsy and tried to let him live his life. Of course fate was a cruel bitch, and their paths aligned once more, mucking up the progress he’d made to move on past Eggsy—which he never truly did—and go on with is life. Now he’d included the lad again, and here he sat with what was supposed to be the best feeling in the world, upset and unsure of his actions.

Just when he thought he had it all figured out. If past experience had taught him anything, it was to be cautious of the future, never bet on tomorrow and make it count today. At least he had made Friday night count.

“Hamish.” Harry had slipped closer, placing a warm hand on his knee to give it a squeeze. “Maybe he’s just as nervous as you are,” he suggested quietly, which honestly sounded so goddamn logical; it burned his arse. “I’d say no harm done if he’s still communicating, and perhaps he needs to process this. You just don’t know what he’s thinking.” And why the fuck he had to be right and sound so bloody wise, was beyond Merlin’s comprehension.

Merlin patted the hand on his leg. “I hate how bloody right you are.” He smiled despite the complaint.

Harry grinned, giving his knee a final squeeze, and stood to leave. “At least Valentine’s bullet did some good then, hm?” He thumped his cane, but raised an expectant brow. “Go relax. Because I need you on your A game with me in the morning.” He started to leave, but not before he pecked the top of Merlin’s head on his way out.

“Thank you, Harry.” Merlin turned in his spot to give his old friend a tender smile. “I really am lucky to have ye back.”

“Sap.” Harry winked, adding mirth to the insult. “But you’re welcome,” he added softly, and left.

The visit only left him feeling marginally better than he had before. It also left him with silence and an empty flat that once belonged to a loving, happy couple. One where he was half of that couple, and boy if it didn’t leave the hot, wrot iron rod stuck in his heart. That was all it took for Merlin to decide on a few nights in his private suite at HQ, with JB in tow and the flat locked up, he took a cab there.

A very well thought out plan, since the sparse texting continued, as did his ever growing anxiety that he’d destroyed whatever little chance he had left with Eggsy. Where he had managed enough muster and courage to oversee that undercover mission, Merlin now found himself handing it back over to Mordred and stuck to live assignments not belonging to Roxy.

“Have you tried to talk to him?” Harry asked between his guidance for Bors, and wanting to murder the person who authorized the man explosives. “Why haven’t we banned these from him?” His fingers flew across the keys, near the speed as Merlin’s, as he tried to deter cops by way of mucking with the traffic lights. “Bloody Christ, Bors! I think you’ve made your point!”

A gruff chuckle sounded through the speakers, earning a scowl from Harry when Merlin snickered. At least it wasn’t his problem then, and not his vein popping out by the temple.

“Extraction is five minutes out, agent. And do try to display some sort of restraint and do not set off another grenade, otherwise I will withhold the biscuits and tea waiting for you.” Harry snapped like he spoke to a disobedient child, which wasn’t so far fetched when Bors was considered. The whine and protest from the other end was confirmation enough, and just as promised his ride arrived and brought the unruly agent home.

“I say,” Harry huffed, turning communications off. “We need to speak with Charlize, he shouldn’t be allowed so many explosives.” He muttered on his way to the electric kettle, and without question poured Merlin a cuppa.

“We have.” Merlin nodded, murmuring his thanks. “His use has decreased dramatically, but I’m starting to wonder if he’s trading gadgets with the other agents.” Wouldn't be the first time Merlin had seen that, surely wouldn’t be the last. “I’ll look into it,” he promised.

“So,” Harry started, taking his seat. 

When he didn’t finish the statement, Merlin looked up with a perplexed brow raised. “So…?” He prompted. Patience usually being one of his strong suits, but the last week had stripped him of that. So when Harry’s eye danced, lips quirked in the corners as he sipped his tea, Merlin felt his blood pressure rise. “Well bloody say it!”

“Touchy,” Harry commented. “So have you spoken to him?”

“Oh for the love of Christ.” Merlin lifted from his seat to pour whisky in place of his tea, all of a sudden needing something stronger. “If I had, don’t ye think I would have told you?” He usually kept calm, cool and collected, but the lack of Eggsy’s responses and guilt of their sexual escapades had him more sexually frustrated, among other things, than before.

“I think you should go see him.” Harry watched Merlin down another two dram of alcohol. “It’s 11,” he deadpanned.

“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere,” Merlin shot back, using Harry’s past turn of phrase against him.

That didn’t seem to amuse the man, who came forward and took the bottle from him, and shoved Merlin back into his chair with a firm hand.

“We are not back tracking, Hamish.” Merlin huffed. “I will not allow it. You both did something that you enjoyed, I’m sure of it. Otherwise that boy would have left before you woken.” Why did the ponce have to be right? “You know him as well as I do, even more, actually, and tell me. Dig deep. How would Eggsy feel after something like that?” The inquiry was soft and gentle, almost soothing. “After a first date?” He probed further.

Merlin sagged into his chair, feeling like a scolded child who was forced to see reason when all he wanted to do was continue his strop, and find every reason in the book how this could go tits up. There was a sense of pleasure as Harry sat back, smiling when it seemed his words cut through Merlin’s prior reasoning. He had a mind to find out the truth, but he wasn’t going to give Harry that satisfaction just yet. Of course he was right, of course he made a valid point, but right then Merlin wanted to continue to play dumb and allow Harry to think he had breached entry, without confirmation he actually had.

The day dragged on, if only for what the end of it all meant for Merlin, and before they parted, Merlin asked if Harry would keep an eye on JB.

“Of course. JB loves sleepovers with Uncle Harry.” Harry had that look about him. It was the way he stood and grinned at Merlin, he knew. “Call me if you need anything.” He gave Merlin’s shoulder an assuring squeeze, and wandered off to the kennels in search of JB.

It was a nice, cool evening. The sun not yet set, shining still despite change of position in the sky, and added a soft warmth to the end of the day. It provided the perfect temperature for a walk. One Merlin still took daily, but instead of passing a shop he had grown to avoid over the last week, he headed up the steps and with a deep breath, pushed past the door. The bell chimed overhead, signaling his entry, and watched the friendly smile Eggsy rushed out of the back with, die on his lips.

Every fear, every worry that the first date was a complete mess, was confirmed just then. Merlin wasn’t a shy sort, nor was he scared, but just then his tail went between his legs as he turned to leave.

“Wait,” Eggsy called. “Don’t go,” he begged, voice so low Merlin almost missed it.

He shifted on his heel, but did not come any further, to face Eggsy who looked unsure of his request.

“The usual?” Eggsy finally asked after a long, awkward silence filled the air, with so many questions and unspoken words. He didn’t wait for Merlin’s answer and prepared it. Merlin watched him work, wondering why he was still standing there, and didn’t come forward to obtain the coffee he had no intentions of ordering.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Merlin spoke into the thick, still air between them. “If Friday was too much, too forward, I apologize, deeply.” Sincerity bled through each word. “I did not mean to…” he trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say. He didn’t mean to chase you off? I’m madly in love with you, please give me a chance? Nothing he could say to this Eggsy, and everything he felt.

Frustration clouded his vision, made it hard to see Eggsy step around the counter and close the space between them, yet kept a few paces away.

“It’s not you,” Eggsy swore, pulling Merlin from the downward spiral of his own thoughts. “And it ain’t even that I don’t want you,” he confessed softly. “I do.” There was something so desperate and pleading in his eyes. Eggsy shrugged, hugging his arms against himself, like he could hold himself together, as if he would fall apart. “Figured a gent as nice, kind and posh as you didn’t want no slag.” He laughed, it was a humorless sound. “Ain’t like a bloke as fit and successful as you want a chav who puts out on the first date.”

Merlin felt all of his doubt and caution slip away. Eggsy was worried he’d fucked up! Everything he had worried about fell away, filling him with hope and optimism, like this could work.

“That’s why,” Eggsy whispered. “And I understand if you do—“ He was cut short, unable to finish any further words of uncertainty that Merlin didn’t want every bloody part of him, inside and out, with a rough, bruising kiss.

He didn’t hold back and allowed six years worth of pain and agony, love and betrayal, to bleed through an act of affection. For once he allowed himself to feel, and wanted Eggsy to know nothing that he could EVER do would deter his feelings, make Merlin think any less of him. It was as much a love confession as he could manage, without harming what little progress they made toward something Merlin hoped to be his new forever. When he pulled away, sure that he’d done some damage, he gazed down where he met sated eyes clouded with bliss.

“You’d have to do a lot more than sex on the first date, to scare me away, lad.” Eggsy’s smiled up at him, literally swooning into his chest, and lifted on tiptoes for a gentler, sweeter press of lips. One Merlin leaned into, allowing it to linger a moment longer, and lifted away. “How about that coffee?” They were still so close, his lips brushed Eggsy’s with the inquiry.

“How about coffee tomorrow morning in my flat?” Merlin read the room, and the offer, and all of a sudden was very thankful Harry had JB.

“Aye. That sounds spectacular.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story lives!!

“Another late night?” Harry observed from his desk. His fingers flew across the keys, almost as quickly as Merlin’s could—it was quite impressive—and didn’t look up from the screen.

Merlin was proud of the progress Harry made as a handler, and if he dared say he could replace HIM someday. Not that he planned to retire, or croak, anytime soon, but the possibility sent a shock of pride through him. He placed a to-go cup of coffee in Harry’s reach, settling into his own chair, from A Cuppa Java and flipped his station on. The computer roared to life, his triple screen monitor hummed before his encryption code popped up. He trusted his staff impeccably, but Merlin’s servers were private, as they should be.

“How’s Lancelot doing this morning?” Merlin wondered. He still hadn’t returned to surveying the live-feed since their ‘misunderstanding’ and wasn’t sure he wanted to just yet. He was comfortable with the relationship he and Eggsy had right now, which progressed rather nicely; if he did say so himself.

Harry hummed around the first sip, his eye slipped shut, and a small smile could be seen around the rim before he said, “Good. It’s inventory day, which she has told me on various occasions she despises.” There was a hint of humor in his tone. Harry wasn’t accustomed to inventory checks, and Merlin planned to rectify that soon enough.

But for now, he laughed, shaking his head and cued up Gawain’s mission specs. Mordred had covered this in the overnight and into the early morning, giving Merlin a debrief before he logged off. All was well, they made headway and found the source of their drug supply. Gawain had departed for Cambodia three days prior in hopes they could sabotage this drug cartel, which meant they’d have to send backup at some point. Arthur was abreast of the situation, Percival was on standby with Kay and Bors’ as well. The agent’s were permitted to work in London only assignments, recon and surveillance, but nothing out of the UK or high stakes. They couldn’t risk people, not when Lancelot was handling an on-going undercover mission, and Harry was no longer Galahad—the name still not filled, whether in respect of Eggsy, Merlin or both, he wasn’t sure—and with others still off on missions, they had to be careful.

“Do stop whining,” Harry barked. Merlin could hear Roxy give a long-suffering sigh before she continued to gripe about coffee, while Eggsy was out of the room, and how she couldn’t get the scent out of her flat. “Too bad. You will live.” Harry started to sound too much like Merlin, it was both annoying and a bit flattering.

Merlin tried to focus on his own assignment, which normally wasn’t very hard, but Eggsy’s voice started to bleed through the speakers, splitting his attention between the two. It was a lot like the old days, when it was just him and Mordred, or even when Mordred was in training. Merlin often had two missions going, he was used to it, and had to divide his attention. Though he’d grown accustomed to sharing responsibilities, these days; it was a nice change of pace that he wouldn’t admit to Harry, no matter how well he was doing.

“They plan to send a shipment next Wednesday, Merlin.” Came Gawain’s deep, gravely voice.

He transferred the feed to Arthur and sent off the address, time and date; Eggsy’s voice drowned out of his mind as he worked. They planned to send agents within the next few days, giving them enough time to brief them further on new intel and bring everyone up to speed. And the added workload distracted him enough, he’d almost completely forgotten about Eggsy and Roxy, until everything slowed and his phone pinged with a string of messages after he turned it back on.

Sometimes Merlin found it beneficial to shut the mobile off, since he didn’t have family or life to worry about, when things got a bit sticky.

So he took a look, a large smile broke out over his face, as he read the little tidbits Eggsy sent of his day. It was comical, really, when he scrolled through the messages that described his inventory day with Roxy, who Eggsy DID hear whine, piss and moan at various times through the day. But Eggsy’s words were fond and clearly filled with love for his employee, and friend. It was nice to see that relationship rekindled as well, because they were best mates during his time here and Merlin felt it poorer the two couldn’t be around one another.

“Next inventory, you get her.” Harry’s complaint pulled him from his thoughts, earning the man a frown in return. “You heard me,” Harry replied to his facial expression. He stood to stretch and wandered over toward the bottle of Scotch Merlin kept to pour two generous glasses, handing one to Merlin on his way back to his seat. “You’d think it was pulling teeth to check off each box on the spreadsheet Eggsy made.” Merlin nearly choked into his glass. “Swallow alcohol, do not inhale,” Harry reminded him.

Merlin flipped the two finger salute while he caught his breath. “Eggsy?” Harry raised a curious brow. “Ye said he made a spreadsheet.”

“Yes…” Harry replied slowly, as if Merlin was daft.

“He HATES spreadsheets.”

Harry rolled his eye. “Dear Lord, do not remind me!” He shook his head. Merlin wondered what he meant by that, and didn’t get the chance to question as Harry continued. “When I did that overnight a week ago?” Merlin nodded. “He created one. Would not stop griping about it. But I guess his laptop had wiped the one he’d saved from a few months back, and so had to create a new one.” This time, Merlin snorted into his drink. “I have to say, I agree. Excel is not anything I want to come close to.”

“Then how exactly do ye use them for work, Harry?” Merlin wasn’t an idiot, he’s seen Harry work with them enough to organize his work weeks, missions, etc.

“Oh, I do, but I do not create them myself.” His brown eye turned mischievous, twinkling with mirth and a wicked glint. “I found a way to hack your files and steal yours.”

Merlin barked a laugh. “I’ve honestly taught ye too much, haven’t I?” Harry’s grin was triumphant and proud. “Cheers.” Merlin raised his glass to Harry’s in salute; he was pleased that Harry had come so far.

\---

The night had been splendid. Dinner from a posh Italian restaurant close by, wine and sweets shared under the moon and stars, where he and Eggsy currently resided on an old afghan he had from back home. They were shoulder to shoulder, pointing out the constellations, sharing delicate kisses that couldn’t be heard even in the still of the night. It was perfect. And what Merlin would consider the proper way to end a rather busy work week.

“Do you ever wonder if you’re living the wrong life?” Eggsy murmured.

There was a long moment of silence before Merlin could answer, choosing his words carefully as to not trigger anything. He had no reason to believe Eggsy’s memories had begun to resurface; he designed the serum he had to dart him with, it was foolproof. But of course his interactions with the young man, and Roxy’s close proximity, could have quite possibly tipped his subconscious.

Eggsy’s head lolled to the side, Merlin could feel his eyes on him, burning into the side of his face even though the air around them was cool.

“Like…” Eggsy trailed off on a sigh, his head returned to gaze at the sky. “You got lucky, or something.” He could hear the wonder in his voice, almost puzzled.

Of course what Eggsy came home to after V-day, months later as if he hadn’t disappeared off the face of the Earth, would shock anyone who grew up in the Estates with little money and a stepdad like Dean. Merlin thought the way they’d given the Unwin’s money was clever, an unknown lump sum of money from an anonymous person who picked people at random who were affected by V-day.

Merlin hummed thoughtful, at least he could give him some sort of response. Truth was, yes. He always believed he got lucky, that he lived a life not meant for him. Because the path he was meant to lead and experience consisted of the man beside him, the one who had no idea they shared something much deeper than quick shags, and late night dinners. To Merlin, though, there was nothing cavalier about this new relationship.

Eggsy turned back toward Merlin as he grabbed for his hand, locking their fingers together. “You ever felt that?” His voice lowered to a whisper, trailing through the wind as it blew around them.

Finally, when Merlin felt confident he could maintain his poker face, he situated a tender gaze on the person he’s loved for so long, and yet was cheated most of that time. But the universe works in mysterious ways, and so Eggsy was brought back to him by some miracle. Not that finding someone who LIVED in London was made of miracles and magic, but he’d managed to evade it for over five years; the world had another plan for them.

He brought their joined hands to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Eggsy’s hand, allowing his lips to linger for a moment. His heart swelled with a magnitude of emotions, feelings that bloomed and blossomed like he hadn’t held them there for close to a decade. Eggsy’s eyes shined in the moonlight, his skin bathed in pale, white light that made him look radiant in a way Merlin hasn’t seen.

“I feel that every single day of my life,” Merlin quietly answered. Eggsy’s answering smile lit up the world brighter than the sun or moon ever could, as he rolled into Merlin to capture him in a kiss so soft, so tender it stole his breath. But it didn’t stop him from leaning in, in an effort to deepen it, and take back the breath Eggsy took from him.

Merlin tipped them enough to hike Eggsy up so that he lay flush against his chest, and let his hands do the wandering while his mouth traced the shape of Eggsy’s lips, forcing his brain to remember how perfect they fit with his. With nimble fingers, greedy palms that needed to touch flesh, Merlin worked Eggsy out of his jeans and pants; at least he didn’t have neighbors who’d pay him any mind.

It reminded him of late nights when the crown of Arthur weighed so heavily on his shoulders, when Eggsy would wait up with two scotches and a bright smile that melted all the stress away, where they would lie beneath the stars. How he’d take his lad apart, rolling along the same afgahn they had beneath them tonight, and make love like they were dying men who may or may not see the light of another day. And Merlin would have never thought the last time they did this, just four days short of Eggsy’s fate that was ruled by men of old tradition, would be the final time for almost seven years.

The fact made this time that much more special, a weight to the intimacy that Eggsy wouldn’t ever understand. One Merlin would live with for the rest of his life.

Words were lost on them as Eggsy and Merlin panted, naked and hungry for connection, beneath the world. It was just them, the moon and stars as they shared an act that wasn’t foreign, but deeper than their first ‘new’ encounter had been. They shifted, Merlin now hovered over him in a way that was so achingly familiar it hurt his chest, and dipped in for a kiss.

Merlin slipped in with well practiced ease, head bowed until it touched Eggsy’s with their lips just a breath away, and sat there for a moment. Last time had been so quick, filled with unrequited passion, it was hard to appreciate the act itself; he wanted to savor this.

A set of sea green eyes drew his attention as they sat slotted together, fitting like a puzzle piece. Eggsy’s eyes held the depths of his world, always had, always will, but like this it was close to soul crushing how much love and kindness he saw there. As if they had never parted and were reunited as if time hadn’t passed. It was all he could do to keep tears from forming, crying down onto the man he loves while they lay so intimately together.

He got his nerve and began to move with fervency, both to reach climax they each desperately wanted, and in avoidance of being dissolved into a blubbery mess; that was never a good sign.

Eggsy’s hands formed a seal against his back, his nails scraped up and down over his shoulders, drawing gooseflesh that enticed shivers to run up his spine. It was hard to miss the way Eggsy preened with pleasure, always after a form of recognition that praised his actions.

Fuck. I love you. Merlin whispered in his head, as his orgasm climbed, reaching impossible heights until he exploded as if he hadn’t busted a nut in his life.

He stuttered to a stop, caught in his own bliss filled state, it took him a moment to read the air.

Eggsy watched him, his eyes wide and gentle in a way Merlin hadn’t seen in a long time. He looked down, making sure Eggsy had his fill, and met shocked filled eyes.

“You love me?” Eggsy whispered.

Merlin felt his stomach drop, threatening to escape out his ass. The realization he had said that out loud swarmed around him, filling his belly with anxiety and fear; it was too soon. They were nowhere near love confessions, but he’d said it nonetheless.

And there was no turning back, not when Eggsy had heard him and blatantly asked.

He screwed his eyes shut and nodded, speaking would be impossible. Merlin was prepared for the worst. Maybe he should try to move, withdraw himself from the man who gaped up at him as if he had three heads.

The love of his life.

Merlin was prepared for anything but the hard, bruising kiss he received that nearly knocked him over.

“I love you, too,” Eggsy murmured against his mouth.


	10. Chapter 10

Merlin strolled through the hangar from the bullet train, two days off had him feeling like a million bucks, or it could have been the forty eight hours locked away with Eggsy. Love confessions hung heavily in the air, surrounding him like a luxurious perfume that seemed to draw eyes as he passed staff and agents, bidding them good mornings. For once he had little care in the world, the gazes did little to aid in self consciousness, because they weren’t sorrowful, pitiful expressions that caused a sense of dread in his heart.

Those days were far behind him, and replaced with bright, sunny ones filled with a megawatt smile that shined brighter than the sun, and sea green eyes that pulled him in like high tide, lapping water around him until he was engulfed and taken down to the depths of the ocean. A trance Eggsy had on him, that was the only explanation for this feeling, there was no pain while he drowned in his love; it was all bliss. Warmth and security, like being wrapped in a soft wool blanket that was made with care, love and pride went into it. That’s how it felt.

“Morning, Merlin.” Mordred nodded as he passed, an odd smile on his face; it was almost careful, as if to suppress laughter.

He couldn’t place it and decided to ignore it in favor of dropping the latte he’d brought for Harry, from Eggsy’s shop on his way in, before he got himself sorted. Harry didn’t respond, but rather took the to-go cup, and continued work like he guided the most important mission ever. Perhaps Arthur had him on something else beside surveillance for Roxy’s mission. As Merlin’s computer booted up, he heard Eggsy’s voice through the monitors, and figured Harry just didn’t feel up to conversation. Maybe he had a headache on the horizon, that would explain the grimace that seemed permanently planted on his face, brows pulled together until an annoyed V formed between them.

If he hadn’t the assignment with Gawain, and the others to monitor, he’d have questioned it. But they were two days away from the drop, and he had to talk mission details and specs with all agents. It wasn’t hard, the hard part would be guiding it. There hadn’t been anything this big since V-Day, and that was worlds different in size and severity. But this was important, so many lives were lost due to overdose caused by drugs. They later found some were hybrid, mixed with cocaine, heroin and fentanyl which would ruin a curious teens life from just one hit.

“Headache?” Merlin inquired sometime later. Harry swapped out with another handler for a break, brow continued to be furrowed with either pain or annoyance; it was hard to tell, Harry wore both emotions about the same.

“No.”

Merlin swiveled in his chair with a grimace. “Get into an argument--” He began to say before he was so rudely interrupted.

“How COULD you say that?” Harry snapped. His outburst took him aback. Merlin leaned away, afraid the rage and deceit written all over his face would strike him dead right there. “And I had to hear it over a bloody mission!”

There were very few times Merlin was confused, but he was honestly befuddled just then. He couldn’t quite rationalize Harry’s anger, the betrayal that started to dominate his features.

“I’m sorry, but I am honestly not following,” Merlin softly admitted.

Harry crooked his index finger, beckoning Merlin to follow him.

At least he had a reprieve, his break times pretty much aligned with Harry’s; he’d purposely designed their schedules that way, more so to ensure the old git took his meds and gave himself a bit of time. It worked rather well. So he signed everything over to Mordred for a few, stating they may be a bit longer than fifteen, and followed Harry. It wasn’t a surprise he headed out back to walk the grounds, it was their safe haven when things ran a muck and the solace needed during personal lives, and work life.

They made it halfway around the Manor before Harry abruptly stopped, causing Merlin to nearly run into him, to glare at him. He noticed Harry grip his cane a bit more, whether in annoyance or need for extra support Merlin wasn’t sure just then, and refrained from offering an arm, that had become an automatic response where Harry was concerned.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry sounded honest to Christ offended now. “We’ve been through so much. I saw you through HEARTACHE, Hamish.”

Okay. Merlin was pretty sure Harry was having a stroke, or memory loss...Or perhaps he was forgetful? That happened sparsely through his recovery, Merlin knew that, but not to this extent.

“Harry, are ye well?” Merlin worried.

Which seemed to be the wrong response toward his friend’s proclamation.

“Are you daft?”

“I rather like to think not.”

Harry rolled his eye. “You told Eggsy you loved him.” Oh! That made sense why he’d walk around as if someone set Mr. Pickle, in the loo, on fire. “Yes. See!” Harry jabbed a finger toward him. He must have made a face, much like a light bulb going off in his brain. “And I had to find out through a bloody mission!”

There was nothing humorless about it, but damn if Merlin didn’t start chuckling like Harry had just told the funniest joke. It did little to ease Harry’s wounded pride, and in fact earned him the two finger salute before Harry hobbled off, in some form of an attempt to hurry away. It was one thing to find mirth in the situation, but another to piss Harry off enough he might hurt himself in the process.

“Aw, Harry.” Merlin easily caught up with him, grabbing his arm and thankfully stopped him from continuing on like a teenage girl who was turned down for a school dance. “I’m sorry.” Harry huffed, turning his face up in the opposite direction to ignore him, but at least stayed still. “I didn’t think to text or call ye, aye? I was with Eggsy most of the weekend.” Harry slipped him the side eye,he took note some of his anger melted away. He took that as a good sign and continued. “Ye know I love ye like a brother, and I would have said something, but I was…” Merlin trailed off with a smile in place.

He was in absolute ecstasy twenty four seven. It was as if those three simple words filled him with life, breathing air into a lifeless body, bringing him back from the dead. He was in a state of amazement day in and day out.

Harry’s whole demeanor changed, face softened and turned kind in a way that reflected understanding. Of course he’d have an idea of how Merlin felt, considering the rekindling he and Percival had made together. There was so much loss and heartbreak that followed V-Day, at least Harry’s wasn’t in betrayal by the very agency they worked for; Merlin didn’t wish that on anyone, and even still harbored some strong feelings toward the whole thing.

It was one of the reason’s he was thankful Eggsy didn’t remember. They couldn’t rip this away from him, not that Arthur would allow that to happen now, but fear was an unwelcome guest that never left.

“I’m so happy for you,” Harry murmured around the hug he pulled him in. The embrace was easy to sag into, warm and full of unshakable love. “Truly, I am.” Merlin could feel the sincerity right to his bones. “Just wished I found out from you.” He admitted with a sigh as he lifted away.

“Who did he tell?” By Harry’s exasperated huff combined with a roll of his eye, and stride as he continued his walk was answer enough. Of course Eggsy would find a best mate in Roxy, in this life, just as he had during his days with Kingsman.

\---

Time went on. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and before anyone was prepared for it, Christmas had arrived.

It wasn’t the usual affair Merlin had grown accustomed to over the last six or so years, but filled with a cheery laugh that could only come from a child and the warm, loving company of people who looked forward to the holiday. One that he remembered had once brought heaviness and dark days among the Unwin household. But it flourished now. Between the money Kingsman had provided and the financial stability Eggsy had from his bake shop, they did pretty well.

Merlin sat in the corner of Michelle’s sofa, in her quaint sitting where an artificial tree housed gifts for Eggsy, Daisy, Michelle and even himself. There was another gentleman that joined the party. A silver haired man by the name of Sean, who had a bright smile and a tender eye for Daisy and Michelle, and even extended his warmth and kindness toward Eggsy. Which in turn was transferred to Merlin during the festivities.

He felt little in the way of awkwardness, feeling as if he’d known them all for years. When in reality they just got to know one another a few weeks back, and was invited for Christmas dinner with the family.

“Can we give out the presents, Mummy?” Daisy asked. Her lips turned up into the biggest smile, deepening dimples, that showcased a few front teeth missing since his last encounter with the young girl.

Dinner was long done, put away and cleaned up with Merlin’s help, despite Michelle’s complaint and refusal of help; all men managed to shove her out of the kitchen.

Eggsy put a tray of tea on the coffee table before he took a seat beside Merlin, and leaned into him while Merlin’s arm came around his shoulders.

“Let’s have some tea first, yeah?” Daisy pouted, but only a bit, before she gave a nod and went off to play with the dolly Merlin had gifted her. “So, my boy’s got himself a tailor, yeah?” She beamed full of pride. “Owner of a bakery, making something of himself.” Michelle sniffled around the last word. Sean pulled her onto his lap, giving her a full, yet tasteful kiss. “I know.” She pulled out a tissue to dab her eyes. “Just so proud of him, you know?”

“I know, sweetie.” Sean gave her another peck.

All the while Merlin tightened his hold on Eggsy; he was proud too. His lad had come from such a rough life, recruited for a secret agent job, failed out only to save the world and then have his memories ripped away in turn. At least he didn’t remember the ladder of it all, and that was both a blessing and a curse.

“He’s a good man,” Merlin agreed. Eggsy turned in, likely to insist they were all embarrassing him, but the words on his lips were short lived when Merlin took them in an unprepared kiss. “A good man,” he reiterated, his words firm.

Eggsy grinned and nodded, tears glistened in his eyes as he turned away toward Daisy in likely effort to hide emotion.

“Alright.” Michelle continued to sniffle. “Presents, yeah?” She nodded to Daisy who hopped up, and started to dole out gifts.

There was an impressive stack for Michelle, some from Eggsy alone, others that Merlin purchased and the rest in which was clearly from Sean. Eggsy and Daisy were well taken care of, also, and it seemed even Merlin had his own that swelled his heart in a way it was lodged in his esophagus.

Which remained there the entire time; it was all too much. A hunter green, cable knit jumper that was far superior than ones he owned at home, three sets of socks, all different patterns and crazy colors; he adored fun socks. And finally a picture. It was clearly made by a child's hand, and very obviously him, Eggsy and Daisy in the bake shop. Merlin was smart enough to recognize it the first day he met her and purchased her biscuits.

It was framed and would be a proud addition on his desk at HQ.

“Thank ye.” He got out before Daisy slammed into him, hugging Merlin with more strength than he anticipated of a seven year old. “Oh,” he breathed surprised, but wrapped her up eagerly.

There were more hugs, thank you’s and even a few tears exchanged once everyone had opened their presents. Pudding was served, which was a decadent chocolate mousse with raspberry compote to go on top.

“Ready?” Eggsy asked against his lips.

“Aye.” Merlin smiled into the exchange.

Michelle shoved a container into his hand, before she yanked him in for a goodbye kiss on the cheek, and a hug. “You come back, yeah? Don’t be a stranger.” She tipped up until her mouth was close to his ear. “Thank you.” And when he went to pull away, curious as to why she thanked him, she quickly said, “For making Eggsy so happy.”

Before he could respond Eggsy was quick to scoop his mum from Merlin, squeezing her like they didn’t see each other a few times a week. It was a battle to get the two separated, but once they were in the car Merlin was ambushed by Eggsy.

“Thank you.”

Merlin chuckled. “There have been a lot of those tonight, aye? For what, may I ask?”

Eggsy sighed, settling into his seat, his eyes slipped shut as Merlin pulled away from the curb and onto the road.

“For coming. For being amazing, yeah?” Eggsy grabbed his hand. “I love you.”

He was never tired of hearing that. It was always like the first, even if it was the thousandth, and resonated deep in his heart.

So he brought their hands up, dotting the back of his hand with his lips. “I love ye, too.”

The ride was short, and JB was anxious to see them. They made short work to brew some tea, settle on the sofa and open gifts they saved for one another; Eggsy had spent the night with his mum for Daisy. And finished off with soft, slow canoodling under a knitted throw and a fire going, until Merlin interrupted them to produce a shimmering, green wrapped package to Eggsy.

Eggsy eyed it a moment, lips quirked in a sly smile. “Really? Another?” He laughed. “You spoil me.” Merlin hummed; he didn’t spoil Eggsy nearly as much as he deserved. But sagged against the cushion, watching Eggsy open the thin box to reveal a key. “What’s this? Buy me a car or something? Innit that a bit much?”

Of course Eggsy would think grand. And maybe a car would be the lesser of what it could be. Merlin shook his head, and pointed in the direction of his front door.

“Wot?” Eggsy whispered. Disbelief and shock was written all over his features, as he stood to try the door. “Babe?” Eggsy called, his voice barely louder than the words he spoke before. “Babe.” He returned with shimmering eyes, and an expression awe struck and so soft, Merlin was sure he’d be reduced to tears.

“I want ye to move in with me, Eggsy.” Eggsy walked toward him, it looked like an automatic response, as if he couldn’t control his movements. “Nights are cold without ye, and I love you. I want you to move in with me.” He spent little time alone, now, Eggsy was over more nights than not; it made sense. Eggsy flopped beside him, his features unreadable. “Move in with me,” he begged.

His love’s eyes cast down, staring at the piece of metal in his palm as if it would grow legs and walk away. It was a long moment before Eggsy looked up with tears just on the brink of falling, and a smile so wide it should break his face in two.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll move in with you.” Merlin grabbed him, yanking him in for a hard press of lips where Eggsy tearfully laughed into the kiss.

Merlin has had a lot of great Christmases, but nothing compared to this. Not even the one they’d shared before life, and Kingsman, took Eggsy away.


	11. Chapter 11

“How are things going in paradise?” Harry inquired through morning tea. It may or may not have been spiked with celebratory Whisky, that Merlin had stashed in his desk drawer for special occasions.

Gawain and the team finished off the cartel they had been after for close to a year. Their infiltration, months back, had gone well enough but they found there was a man higher than the one they were after. A pretty posh bloke by the name of George. C. Harper, who was well known for his successful shoe making company, and an assorted other not so legal things. Harry had mourned a bit, Merlin knew he was fond of Mr. Harper’s handy work when it came to quality oxfords he wore for pleasure. Merlin never did see the hype, he was comfortable in a pair of boots most days, or loafers that cushioned his foot. Of course he had the standard brogue on for work, but otherwise leaned toward comfort.

And he certainly was not going to comment on the winged trainers Eggsy wore; he rather thought those had been destroyed after his time with Harry during candidacy.

“It’s just as you could imagine.” Merlin allowed with a smile, holding his glass up to Harry’s in cheers toward a job well done. “Christ!” Merlin coughed on the first sip. “Did ye even put any tea in this?” Harry smugly smiled around the rim of his mug. Of course he knew better than to allow the functional alcoholic to make their drinks; Merlin would be lucky to walk a straight line after consuming the entire thing.

“We don’t have any missions,” Harry argued. “So I figured Arthur wouldn’t mind us getting a bit pissed the first half of the day," he added lightly. As if their job didn't entail dangerous assignments where lives were concerned; granted he was right, but that was beside the point. 

Merlin rolled his eyes and dumped half to fill with proper tea. He took a taste, humming in appreciation, and returned to his desk. “Much better,”he murmured.

“You haven’t brought JB in,” Harry observed after a moment. “Have him in the kennels?”

“No.” Merlin logged into the system to scroll through emails and e-files sent from agent’s mission paperwork. “He went to the shop with Eggsy.”

“Was that smart?” Merlin looked around toward Harry, sizing him up for a moment. Harry shrugged, clearly the question was meant as curiosity rather than accusation. “I just know you’ve been careful.” Merlin nodded as he went back to work.

They had been very careful, or rather he had been. Once Eggsy was all moved in and settled, JB picked up his relationship with his master like it hadn’t been nearly seven years between the time he’d seen him. So when Eggsy had asked to bring JB to work, which seemed to be welcome by all his staff and customers, Merlin didn’t see an issue with it. Daisy also loved the pug, too. She frequented the shop on Friday’s, as always, and even had a few sleepovers now that everything was sorted.

“I know,” Merlin finally agreed. “But he loves him, and JB is smitten with Eggsy.”

“Of course he would be. Thankfully the dog can’t speak.”

“Mmm.” Merlin hummed. “How are things with Oliver?” He figured if they were going to talk about one another relationships, as if they were two teenagers during a slumber party, he would pry information that Harry usually didn’t give.

This time around, Merlin noticed, Harry kept it all tight to his chest. Whether in fear word would get out, and Kay might accuse Arthur of favoritism, or his near death experience still left a sour taste in his mouth. It seemed like they both were robbed of the chance at happiness, before it truly started, all because of V-Day; Merlin was glad to have that FAR behind them.

“Well, actually.” Harry replied as he pulled up Roxy’s feed. “Good morning, agent.” Merlin smiled while Roxy gave her gruff reply; she was restless as a barista.

Merlin had a thought to email Arthur about that. Maybe they were in the clear enough, they could take her out. Fudge up a resignation, something about location change and ship her off to Argentina where they had a decently lengthy assignment being put into the works. Just as he thought it, Merlin pulled up an email and began the request, while also CCing Roxy in just in the event she’d rather not. Undercover missions could wear on a person, but since Eggsy didn’t remember, it was easier for her to include characteristics natural to herself, while also having to adapt with her character, Natalie.

“Fish and chips for lunch?” Harry wondered, eye glued to the screen as he worked around a few screens. “I know we usually go for dinner, but since you have a life outside of Kingsman now…” He trailed off with a crooked grin.

“Mmm.” Merlin pulled up the menu and placed an online order. They’d gone to this specific chip shop enough, that he knew Harry’s order without asking. “I’ll make plans for a pint with ye after work, aye? Eggsy would understand.”

“Or we could all go together,” Harry nonchalantly suggested. Even if it sounded as though he planned to ask this all along.

They’d shared a brief blip of time together, but long enough that Eggsy was shook by Harry’s death. It would be like strangers meeting for the first time, in a sense that Harry had enough time spanned between them and Eggsy no longer recalled the man.

“We could,” Merlin answered carefully. He wasn’t sure how much exposure he wanted to introduce Eggsy to, worrying it would stir memories that lay dormant in the back of his brain. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in the serum he’d produced, but usually the person it was used on never saw any of them again.

Not face to face. Always from afar and at a distance to ensure little chance of the brain being triggered into remembering. He was treading on thin ice, Merlin knew it, but how could he deny himself Eggsy? He wouldn’t, even if it was good of the agency.

Harry offered him a tender smile. “It will all work out, Hamish.” As if to answer the questions he’d fought with himself day in and day out. 

Sometimes it was easy to believe nothing bad would happen, other days it was less than ideal to entertain the notion he could live Happily Ever After without consequence.

But he didn’t pay it much mind as he returned a tender smile, and steered the conversation back to Harry and Arthur; he wasn't going to let the ponce off that easy.

Soon the weeks rolled by and nothing ever came of it; no alarms or signs memories ever resurfaced. Even when he suggested meeting his good friend, Harry, who he worked with. Eggsy seemed delighted to finally meet more than JB, who lived with them anyhow, especially since Merlin had been to his mother’s for weekend dinners once a week.

It was like they lived the life they’d deserved all along, without the agency threatening to destroy it, and in peace.

That’s what Merlin chose to believe as he woke next to Eggsy, for the hundredth morning because he kept count now, and rolled into the warmth of his body. His lips traced nonsense shapes against Eggsy’s skin, enticing a small shiver to slip up his spine, reverberating against Merlin’s chest.

“Good morning,” he whispered into the nape of his neck, nosing at his hairline. “Sleep well?” Eggsy hummed in response. A set of hands grabbed the one he had wrapped around Eggsy’s midsection, and pulled them tighter as his bum backed further into his lap.

They lay there for a time, longer than either would normally allow, but Eggsy was off and Merlin had a late day. It was perfect for a cuddle and snuggle, where gentle hands passed warm, eager flesh and lips found willing mouths to entice low, whispered moans between kisses. Words were passed in the silence, ones that only the pair could hear, as the early morning slipped away and it was near time Merlin got ready.

“No.” Eggsy made a grab for him. His hair was a mess, eyes still puffy and barely open from sleep, but still managed to take Merlin’s breath away; he was beautiful. “Can’t you just call in? Stay with me all day?”

“No. I can’t.” That pained him to say more than the sad, pouty lips Eggsy gave him in response.

He’d love nothing more than to toss in the towel, spend all his days with Eggsy and forget about Kingsman just as they had forgotten about Eggsy. But his loyalty and responsibility would not allow it. As much as it enticed the heart, the mind was not willing; it was a sad fact. One he’d live with the rest of his life.

“Ye know what sounds good?” Merlin asked as he rolled back in, pulling Eggsy for a last quick cuddle. Eggsy hummed contently, soaking up all that Merlin had to offer like it was their last time together. “Pancakes and coffee.”

Eggsy laughed. “Turned you into a breakfast man, huh?” Merlin kissed him thoroughly. “I suppose I can manage that,” he allowed. His voice breathy and weak from the oxygen Merlin stole through the affection.

He allowed himself a few more moments of peace and serenity before it was too late. And as unwilling as Merlin was, they separated to each take care of business. Merlin showered, dressed and had himself Kingsman ready by the time Eggsy had finished a stack of banana chocolate chip pancakes with a pot of dark roast brewed with the french press.

“Smells amazing.” Merlin pecked Eggsy’s cheek as he accepted a mug full of liquid gold, and took his seat at the table.

“Thanks.” Eggsy sat across from him. They tucked in, keeping their conversation light and airy.

It was as if nothing had changed. That the morning of the beginning of Eggsy’s new life hadn’t even been disturbed; it felt like picking up from where they left off. Merlin was happy. Honest to God pleased with it all; he couldn’t imagine life without Eggsy, again. And he bloody refused to allow that to happen again.

“Another fill up?” Eggsy wondered on his way to grab the carafe.

“Please.” He always needed at least two cups in order to deal with Kingsman, and when you added Harry into the mix--who was oddly tolerable, it was scary--and sometimes contemplated the whole pot.

Eggsy poured the last of it into his mug. “Hey, babe?” Merlin hummed as he scanned his tablet. “When did you stop taking cream and sugar in your coffee?” Merlin froze, fingers curled around the handle of his mug with such strength, he feared he’d break it. “You used to hate how bitter it tasted,” Eggsy laughed to himself like he’d said nothing of inconvenience. “Maybe it was the coffee,” he went on while washing the dishes.

Merlin’s throat tightened, threatening to cut off his oxygen. “Aye, maybe,” he answered once he managed some composure. “I have to get going. I’ll see ye after work.” Merlin went over to peck his cheek and rushed out before he lost his nerve.

“Okay! Love you!” He heard Eggsy call just as he shut the door, and leaned against it for a moment, trying to slow his heart and catch his breath. To a stranger, what Eggsy had asked would seem normal, but to Merlin? It raised red flags.

This Eggsy wouldn’t know Merlin ever took his coffee with cream and sugar. Ever since they'd been reunited, Merlin took it black. This Eggsy wouldn’t remember that minor, yet intimate, detail about Merlin, because it wouldn’t have existed. That memory wouldn’t be there. His time at Kingsman, and with Merlin, was wiped clean years ago. Gone. And when they met again, it was like meeting a stranger.

Halfway through his mental analysis of the last year, his cab pulled up, and with a racing heart he climbed in and was thankful he wasn’t required to speak; he wasn't sure anything would come out. Once he hit the shop and boarded the bullet train, Merlin sent an alert to Arthur. They needed to talk, promptly, and sort this out. Something had slipped through the cracks, and somewhere in their time together, Eggsy remembered.

The realization was like a bucket of ice cold water had been spilled over his head, and his body was in shock; it was numbing. The crippling fear didn’t settle in until the doors opened and he was greeted by Arthur himself. The man's expression was tight, lined with concern and professionalism, and just underneath his careful composure was a tender sadness that was from a friend.

“Come with me.” Is what he said.

And so he did without knowing if he’d lose Eggsy again.


	12. Chapter 12

The walk to Arthur's office felt like a marathon, except it was never ending even as he headed through the doors that brought him in front of Arthur’s desk, where he was asked to take a seat. Merlin watched the man who once proclaimed himself as a friend, yet all he could see was threat and despair in blue eyes that were supposed to be kind. Several times throughout his life Merlin learned just how unfair it all could be, this job he gave blood, sweat and tears to rarely held loyalty to him; it wasn't fair. 

And it seemed he was about to get a taste again.

He rather thought the repetition that he’d be fucked up the arse, no lube, no warning and without any preparation was well behind him. A simple little observation, no cream and sugar in his coffee and it was all about to come crumbling down around him. It felt as if he was falling, like the walls around them closed in and he couldn’t breathe.

“No,” Merlin responded to an unheard question.

Whatever it had been, his response clearly shocked Arthur. The man sat back appalled, eyes wide with surprise and disbelief.

“It wasn’t a request, Merlin, that was an order. Sit, please.” At least he was polite. But that didn’t mean Merlin would listen.

Merlin shook his head. “No. I will not sit here and allow ye to take him from me again.” Arthur’s eyes soften with understanding. “I’ll quit. Leave. Retire or whatever. Ye will have to dart me too, because I am not leaving here knowing he will be ripped from me.” He’d rather lay his life on the line than see that precious, wonderful man lose his memories again...or worse; Merlin felt sick with the thought.

“Please sit, I am not trying to take anyone from anybody,” Arthur promised. He’d always trusted Percival, and even more so as Arthur, he was the only man with a level head on his shoulders which is why Merlin mourned him as their sniper. “You have my word, Hamish. I do not wish to bring harm.” Hearing his christian name had him in a chair, spine rigid and cautious, but he would listen. “Thank you.” Arthur’s smile was soft and warm as he transformed back into the charge of a secret spy agency, but held a gentle demeanor that let Merlin know he wasn’t pulling a fast one on him.

“As you know, old tradition—” He began, earning a hard grimace from Merlin that could cut marble, Arthur held his hands up, “—I’m not going that route, Merlin, and you know that. I got rid of that years ago, and I do not plan to bring it back.” Merlin didn’t relax but nodded. “It could be a fluke, something that was mentioned without him knowing. You said it was out of nowhere? That he likely hadn’t realized he even said it?” Merlin nodded again. “Tell me how it happened.” Arthur relaxed a bit in his seat as Merlin told him everything about the morning.

“Hmm,” Arthur hummed in consideration. “Perhaps we just watch him. Eggsy was never a worry to warrant the treatment he was given, and it’s something I mourn each day. He would have been an asset to us, not a liability.”

“Aye,” Merlin replied, voice tight. “But how much more surveillance can we do, Arthur? Ye already have Roxy with him for most of the day, and he’s with me when not with her. This is the first thing I’ve heard.” He felt lost. There was this dread he couldn’t shake, like even though Arthur promised him protection, it was as if they were still headed for execution.

Years had passed and the fear was ever present, Merlin recalled that day like it was yesterday. Eggsy’s face would forever be embedded into his brain, burned in like a brand, scarred for all to see. The soft sobs...his love confession, Merlin would never forget and he was asked to trust those who were supposed to be like family; Merlin was disgusted.

“I want the surveillance to stop,” Merlin blurted out. “I don’t think it is pertinent for us to watch him any longer. He is not a danger.”

Anger flared in the icy blue iris staring back at him. “That is not your decision, Merlin and above your station.”

Merlin detected the authority in the statement; he had stepped over the line. “Then fire me.” The challenge weighed in the air for a moment, but they both knew that wouldn’t happen. “Leave him alone.”

Arthur sighed as he ran fingers through his hair, messing it up. “You are asking the impossible.”

“I am asking you to be a human with a heart, and leave us alone. Haven’t we been through enough? Don’t I deserve this much? Doesn’t Eggsy?” Merlin watched the man consider his words, his eyes wild with a war that had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with him.

“Isn’t that what I’ve done?” Was his answer. For a fleeting second, Merlin felt bad; he sounded exhausted. “Given you a second chance. When—”

“When what? Would you have told me it wasn’t allowed? Would you have given that order to me, knowing I would have left this agency and let it fall?”

“You know it wasn’t allowed! You are a bloody friend, Hamish, and a damn good Merlin. I’ve tried to make up for it. The agency should have been better to you. To both of you! Eggsy helped save the bloody world, while the rest of us were caught in the shit storm Valentine unleashed on us all. And the least the table could vote was immunity with wiped memories, and I am sorry for that! But there are rules I’ve broken for you!”

Merlin’s blood pressure spiked. “I thought you were different,” he seethed.

“Am I not?” He replied coolly. “Are you not in a relationship outside of the agency, with a person who was all but sanctioned from this life?” His volume increased the more he continued. The sheer audacity of Merlin’s words resonated through each sentence he spoke. “Have I not given you one of my best agents, to ensure we keep this in tight quarters?” Arthur shook his head, a grimace formed on his lips. “I am very different, I changed our way for you, don’t you dare insinuate I am anything like Chester, Kay or the ones who voted for that boy to lose not only the best job opportunity he’s ever had, but a life with someone he loved. Because make no mistake, Merlin, I know what it’s like to lose love.”

The room was still, a heaviness fell over them, cloaking their bodies until it seemed crushing. Merlin couldn’t move, even if he wanted to run far away and take Eggsy with him. It sounded unfair, maybe even selfish, but for once in his life he was not sorry for the exceptions Kingsman made for him; he deserved it and more. They owed him blood, and all he asked was happiness.

“I want Roxy removed.”

“For fucks sake, Hamish,” Arthur tiredly sighed. “We don’t even know if he has full memory, can we get that far at least?”

“So you can get your claws into him? No.” Merlin wouldn't allow them to ruin everything he worked so hard to gain. Not just his relationship with Eggsy, but his bloody healed mental and emotional state that was one more fuck up away from shattering. 

“You really have no trust in me, do you?” That sounded like it hurt him.

“I have no faith in the agency, not you,” Merlin provided for clarification.

He pursed his lips but nodded. “I know,” he agreed. “It’s how I felt when they didn’t deploy agents to find Harry.” Arthur stood to pour them each a dram of brandy, and offered one to Merlin. “This is a mess.” He downed it quickly, like he needed it more than Merlin, and poured another before he sat. “I don’t want to wi—” Arthur began to say when they heard shouts outside the door, and...gunshots?

“Are we under attack?” Merlin stood and slammed his palm to the wall, beside a painting, three times to gain access to firearms; Arthur took two. They headed out into the hall and found Kay on the ground with Eggsy lying beside him, bleeding, and two other agent’s pointing guns at him. “Stand down!” Merlin barked, his gun aimed for Gawain’s shoulder; disarm, don’t kill.

Gawain and Bors looked to Arthur for orders. “You heard him, stand down and get Kay off the floor.” It appeared he’d been knocked out, by who wasn’t clear since Eggsy held his side and shallowly panted. “Call medical,” he ordered as he came to crouch beside Eggsy.

Merlin watched them drag Kay’s body off, and then came to Eggsy. “Eggsy.” It was close to a sob. “Fuck, Eggsy.”

“He’s alive, Merlin,” Arthur soothed as he examined him. Eggsy hissed in pain when Arthur touched his left lower abdomen, finding the source of the bleed. "I know," he murmured. 

“Babe?” Eggsy searched the room, his eyes unfocused and glossy.

Merlin clutched his body, much like he had all those years ago and it felt so painfully familiar. His chest ached in a way it hadn’t for so long, the sting of a scar being ripped open and bleeding filled his heart; he couldn't breathe. 

“I remember,” he whispered. “I remember,” Eggsy tearfully repeated.

“I know,” Merlin replied, his voice just as broken. He moved Eggsy’s hand and applied an ample amount of pressure to the wound, causing Eggsy to further pale and cry in pain. “I know.” There was nothing he wouldn’t do to take this away from him. “I want him dead,” Merlin spat through clenched teeth. He could feel Arthur’s gaze on him, it was hot against the side of his face. “If ye don’t do it, I will kill him myself,” he whispered as Eggsy passed out.

Arthur didn’t reply, he didn’t have to, because Merlin saw the slight head tilt and nod of his head.

\---

“Some things never change, eh?” Eggsy croaked, pulling Merlin from his slumber.

He lifted his head from beside Eggsy's thigh, and sat up with a tired smile in place. Merlin was happy to see Eggsy awake and looking less dead. The lad was still pale as sheet, at least there was the ghost of his usual cheek on those lovely lips.

“Don’t you go home?” Eggsy inquired when Merlin didn’t answer. “Gotta be a right pain in the arse to sleep like that.” He hadn’t left Eggsy’s side since they brought him down to medical. He’d been in surgery for a few hours to remove the bullet, repair the wound and give him a few transfusions from the blood loss.

They were lucky Kay hadn’t hit any vital organs.

“I wasn’t leaving you.” Eggsy smiled fondly. “How do ye feel?” It was a day since he’d arrived out of surgery, but Hanover was pleased and promised textbook recovery if Eggsy was compliant.

“Sore, tired.” Eggsy shifted a bit, pain and agony flashed across his face. “Fuck,” he tightly breathed.

“Mmm.” Merlin sent word for a nurse. He waited for more pain medication to arrive before he asked, “When?”

Eggsy watched him, Merlin knew the inquiry didn’t need further elaboration; Eggsy understood. “Just after you left,” Eggsy admitted. “Wanted...wanted to tell you.” He slurred his words. Merlin knew they’d have doped him up. “What’s...going to happen?”

Merlin shrugged, he still didn’t know all the logistics. “I don’t know.” He saw the fear in sea green eyes at his confession.

And he didn’t, even after his discussion with Arthur, it was still up in the air. Perhaps they could go somewhere else, sign NDA’s and promise to never return to the agency again and leave them alone. Merlin could easily pack up his life and live somewhere else with Eggsy. It wouldn’t take any thought of him, but it might work differently for Eggsy what with his business and family here.

“I love you,” Eggsy murmured, barely even audible, before he passed out again.

“I love ye too.”

How was this his life? That question seemed to resonate several times throughout his life, and it didn’t seem to get any better.

As it turned out Eggsy had full memory, not only of his time with Kingsman, but every single thing that led up to that day. Kay spotted him, when Eggsy was headed to find Merlin, in the hall and took a shot. Gawain and Bors heard and managed to get Kay knocked out with a dart, but still had loyalty to the agency, and for all they knew Eggsy was an intruder. Merlin couldn’t really place blame on the senior agents, not when they were doing their duty.

The days following were full of meetings, discussions on what was to be done next, and Kay was ripped of his title and wiped from existence; no one asked how or where he was after that day. Even with all this going on, Merlin stayed beside Eggsy the entire time, he no longer trusted his own staff with the love of his life, even if Eggsy wasn’t as concerned as he was.

“Are they going to take my memories again?” He asked one day after physical therapy. Kingsman was awfully generous and took care of all Eggsy’s needs.

Merlin shook his head and said, “No.” That much he knew. “But Arthur does want to speak with ye.” He didn’t know why. A knock at the door pulled his attention. Merlin frowned but stood to answer it. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

Harry held up the lead that contained JB at the end. “More like the dog.”

“Harry!” Eggsy beamed and before he could get out ‘JB’ the pup was placed on the bed. “Da has kept you well fed, hasn’t he?” Eggsy ruffled the pug's ears and kissed his wet nose.

“He was a suitable caretaker,” Harry agreed with a shit eating grin. “Hello, Eggsy,” he greeted softly.

Merlin hung back to give them space, his heart warm when they shared a long, clutching embrace. They spoke for hours and chatted about the things each other has missed through the years. It didn’t surprise him when they made dinner plans once Eggsy was free of medical, and able to get around without being in immense pain; which they all knew would take a while.

“I see there was a party I wasn’t invited to.” Came Arthur’s soft voice, upon a knock that he didn't wait for entry, and walked in with a tender smile. His eyes lingered on Harry for a moment, which Merlin noted raised a few questions on Eggsy’s face. “How are you?” Arthur directed toward Eggsy.

Eggsy shrugged. “I’ve had worse.” They all shared a laugh at how true that was. “So, Percival is Arthur now, yeah?” Arthur bowed a bit sheepishly. “It suits you,” he complimented.

“I wish I could say the same about your current state.” Eggsy cheeked a bit at that, looking handsome as ever even in a bloody hospital gown. “I was hoping there were some things I could discuss with you, in private if you don’t mind.” He smiled apologetically when Merlin went to argue.

“Nah. They can stay.” Eggsy lifted his chin and jutted it out in the patent Eggsy Unwin ‘fuck you bruv’ way. “Whatever you need to say, can be said with them here, yeah?”

Arthur tilted his head. “As you wish.” And took a seat. Merlin felt his heart in his throat, closing his windpipe as it beat wildly. “I have a proposition for you.” Is what he started with.

“Okay. I’m listening.”

“How would you feel about taking the spot as Galahad?”


	13. Chapter 13

“Excuse me?” It wasn’t Eggsy who spoke, but Merlin. Had Arthur bumped his head? Merlin began to think the man had lost all sense to offer that. “Galahad? Have ye lost yer bloody mind!” Merlin roared. He stood, unsure what he was about to do, but Eggsy’s hand on his arm stopped him. “Eggsy?” When he looked down, Eggsy gazed thoughtfully toward Arthur, but kept his grip on Merlin.

Fear bloomed in his chest; he wasn’t about to consider it, was he?

“What do you mean?” Eggsy asked, his fingers curled around Merlin’s wrist, grounding him as he stared Arthur down. “A position at the table?” Arthur nodded. “The very one that voted I be wiped of my memories, taken from him.” His chin jutted toward Merlin.

His heart eased from a sprint to a jog as he sat down, slipping his hand into Eggsy’s, and allowed his love to speak. Even when he wanted to tell him no and take the choice right from Eggsy’s lips.

“Yes, that very one,” Arthur carefully answered. His eyes were tight, cautious, but he held his posture; it was only Merlin who detected the unease off of him. Clearly he hadn’t planned for Eggsy to have a negative response, but how could anyone be so naïve? “What happened was unforgivable, I know, but it would be a waste to see you go.”

A stillness fell over the room. How could they ask this? How could their friend expect Eggsy to return? Again the urge to yell no, to protect Eggsy, flowed through his veins like adrenaline during a fight. If he thought losing Eggsy to loss of memories was bad, Merlin didn’t know how he could survive his heart leaving him for good. The job did not guarantee your life. It did not promise immunity, eternal life or the assurance you’d make it out unscathed, without scars. And scars weren’t always superficial, sometimes they were so deeply embedded into the psych, men and women couldn’t function.

Merlin had seen so much in the last three decades and some change, that the choice was easy to him. Eggsy had a good life outside of this, a business with decent success and a small family that loved him.

“Eggsy—” Merlin began.

“Let him talk, babe,” Eggsy gently interrupted.

It made him sick. There was no way Eggsy would want to be here. Not after all they’d taken from them. Merlin couldn’t tell based off of facial expression, because Eggsy wore a poker face; completely unreadable.

“I need to take a walk.” Merlin pressed a kiss to his hairline and left without another word.

This wasn’t happening. Maybe if he wished it, believed it enough, everything would disappear and he would wake up the morning before his life tipped upside down. It was a cruel wish, an unrealistic expectation, one he held onto despite the gravity of the situation. WHY would Eggsy consider this? They shit all over them!

“Hamish.” Came Harry’s voice, just a few paces behind him. “Hamish, wait.” Merlin slowed his pace so that Harry could catch up, until they were shoulder to shoulder. He kept going, making sure to keep his steps slower for Harry.

“It’s bullshit, Harry,” Merlin huffed. “How could he ask that?”

Harry shrugged beside him. “It is not an unreasonable offer.” Merlin spun to face his friend, causing Harry to run right into him, his face was hard and a bit guarded but there was a tenderness around the edges. “You can’t honestly sit here and tell me that he gained his memories, which means he has the skills, and we would just toss such a promising agent away...again!” Merlin glared a bit, but eventually shook his head. “Don’t be daft. You know as well as I do, that Eggsy is a model agent.” Merlin cast his eyes down; he didn’t want to admit it, but he was right.

Merlin recalled Percival’s comments before he was even sworn in Arthur, that it was a waste. He’d said it a few times through the years, though he never dreamed anything would come of it. Not when they’d lost so much in the wake of risking their lives for the world; Eggsy deserved better than this.

“Harry…”

“I know, Hamish. I do. It’s the same way we all feel when others go out into the field, but it’s worse when you love them.” Merlin sadly nodded; fuck this was a bloody mess. “I would be just where you are, if Oliver were still an agent.”

“But he’s not.”

“No.” Harry shook his head. “I wish I had better things to say, and perhaps he won’t take it. You are forgetting the agency fucked him up the arse, and you.”

Merlin snorted with an eye roll. “I did nae forget that, Harry.” He turned and kept walking, being sure to keep in step with Harry.

They wandered the grounds for a long while, probably much longer than Eggsy would expect Merlin to be away, but he needed to clear his head. Even if he was certain Eggsy would turn it down, there was still a chance he could take it. There was virtually no time to talk, it all happened so fucking fast it made Merlin’s head spin. Perhaps if they’d known ahead, they could discuss the options. Weigh the pros and cons, and come to a reasonable conclusion. And taking the position wasn’t reasonable, not to Merlin.

“It will work out,” Harry murmured their second trip around the Manor.

“What if it doesn’t?” What if Eggsy says no, and they decide to just wipe him off the Earth as well as Kay; Merlin left unsaid. Not that he was very remorseful of his fate, which bothered him a little bit, but he shook it off. “I can’t lose him again, Harry.” This time when he peered into Harry’s eye, he saw sympathy and understanding. That Merlin wasn’t just worried about the job taking him out on duty, but concerned they’d knowingly making sure Eggsy never breathed again.

Harry didn’t respond, instead he pulled him into a tight embrace that said so much more than words ever could. He held him for a long while, longer than what Harry would find appropriate of a British gentleman; Merlin appreciated it more than he could articulate.

“Come on. Let’s get you back in there.” Harry looped an arm through Merlin’s and guided them toward the Manor.

On their way back, Merlin began to ponder about their current situation. There had to be some way he could convince Eggsy to decline the offer. Outside of their betrayal and the lad’s bakery business, Merlin didn’t know how to sway him. He half listened as Harry blabbered on about a few upcoming missions, and the end to Roxy’s near two year long undercover mission, to which she insisted on a month long break. He said something about an assignment for her when she got back, almost giddy about it as well, but Merlin was distracted enough he hummed in agreement and absently nodded.

Merlin had a plan to cook up, one that would likely piss a few off, but worth it for him.

It was a long time before he returned to Eggsy’s room, who he found sleeping in bed, but quietly slipped in unnoticed. He pulled a chair toward a small table tucked in the corner to work on his laptop, and accidentally banged his foot against the base of the table. Luckily he hadn’t startled Eggsy awake and wrote an email that would change the rest of his life.

He must have read it over fifty times before he hit send. Oddly the action brought relief, like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders that had weighed him down for years. For once Merlin could breathe easier. The world became clearer, colors were brighter and his future seemed promising. He held a fond smile for Eggsy as he moved to sit beside him and collect a hand in his to run a thumb soothingly across knuckles, and waited for what he knew would happen next.

When his glasses pinged, Merlin wasn’t shocked to see Arthur’s name flash in red across the lens. He tapped the side and allowed him to speak.

“ _This is what you want?”_

“It is,” Merlin promised.

Arthur sighed through his earpiece. _“I wish I was surprised.”_ Merlin nodded even if he couldn’t see. _“You’re making my job difficult, Merlin.”_ Merlin quietly cackled, he could hear Arthur’s smile as he continued on to say, “ _I am happy for you, regardless. And I appreciate the time you’ve given me to find and train a replacement.”_

“I think I know a suitable man for the job.”

_“Oh?”_ Merlin could almost feel the intrigue bleed from Arthur's office. 

“He has one eye,” Merlin explained, humor thick in his brogue. “Can be disobedient at times, but he’d suit well.”

Arthur chuckled warmly, it was a fond sound. _“Now you are TRULY trying to make my job difficult.”_

“Aye, but he would be a good fit, all jokes aside.” Arthur hummed in agreement. At least there was no pushback in his decision and choice for replacement. “It’s time, Oliver. I’ve given so much to Kingsman and I’d rather spend the rest of what I have with him.” He watched Eggsy sleep. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do to keep him safe, to make sure they had the most out of the life they had together; he just hoped Eggsy had made a similar decision.

Though whatever Eggsy did or didn’t agree to, wouldn’t change his mind; Merlin was going to retire and claim the rest of his life as his own while he could.

_“I know,”_ Arthur sighed. _“You will be greatly missed.”_

“It’s not like I’m moving out of the country, just leaving the job,” Merlin laughed. “Beside, you know Harry will likely be up my arse a few times a week.”

_“Don’t I!”_ He agreed with mirth deep in his voice. _“Take care. We will speak more soon, but for now look after your lad.”_

Merlin bent down to peck Eggsy’s hand. “I will,” he vowed before they disconnected. He flicked on his tablet and wrote a formal email to the rest of his staff. There would likely be a Round Table meeting for the announcement, but he wanted them to hear it from him first.

“What did you do now?” Eggsy muttered, scaring the daylights out of Merlin. He looked up to see Eggsy wearing his favorite crooked, cheeky grin with suspicion bright in sea green eyes. “Did you just make a huge, life altering decision without knowing my own?”

“I may have,” Merlin admitted. “But yer decision should not be dependent on what I do. I am tired, Eggsy. I’ve given most of my life to Kingsman and I’d like to keep the rest to myself, while sharing whatever time ye have for me, with you.” Eggsy’s grin grew to expand across his face, crinkling his eyes and cheeks adorably; fuck...Merlin loved him.

“S’okay, innit? I already told Percy my answer.” He’d always be Percy, no matter how much the man hated it, Merlin often wondered if Eggsy said it just to get under his skin. “Want a job?”

Merlin’s heart fell, Eggsy had decided Kingsman. “Eggsy...I don’t know how to—” he went to explain his lack in the skill of baking, but Eggsy interrupted him.

“I’m gonna need a website, yeah? Getting a bit bigger and too difficult to manage it all on my own. Plus, I hate spreadsheets, and I know a pretty handsome, Scottish bloke who is a bit of a computer geek—” Merlin pinched his side, causing Eggsy to laugh. “—but I love him, and want him as close to me as possible,” he finished quietly once recovered from a fit of giggles. Merlin’s eyes misted. “I don’t wanna come back. I’ve got all my memories, and I know what it’s like on both sides. And I’d much rather be on this side, doing what I love and with the one I love beside me while I do it.”

A lump formed in his throat, closing it off enough to make breathing difficult.

“You mean that?”

Eggsy scoffed fondly and rolled his eyes. “‘Course I do, you git. Love you more than anything, yeah? And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I love you.” Merlin whispered as he lifted up to take Eggsy’s head, cradling the base in his palm and leaned down to press lips against a waiting pair. It was soft and tender, spilling their love into the affection until there was barely any oxygen left between them.

“I love you, too,” Eggsy managed to murmur into delicate kisses.


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading!

The bakery buzzed, as it usually did on a Friday morning, with customers coming in and out to pick up orders, place new ones or just to grab a quick pastry and coffee.

It had been a busy six years of website development, getting A Cuppa Java prepared and ready to become international. They’d opened two other bakeries in London with the promise of one in Scotland, but kept the headquarters on English soil. But they now offered shipping and handling all over the world, making them a hit in the US and Canada. Merlin tried to convince Eggsy of a branch or two in the United States, but declined, wishing to keep it all close to home. 

Regardless, they were busy, never a dull moment and happy to put in the work, feeling proud of the establishment that came from a somber situation. 

Once the breakfast rush died down, Merlin took to wipe down the front counter and check the status of orders for the day. When he wasn’t in the back, holed up with his computer and designing and revamping the webpage, confirming orders and taking calls, he liked to help his husband. He gazed down at the simple silver band around his ring finger, and smiled. 

Marriage suited them, or so he liked to think five years into it. 

“Here’s that next order.” Eggsy spun out of the back with a pastry box in hand. “They should be here in a mo.” 

“It is Harry, ye know. The man hasn’t been on time a day in his life.”

Eggsy laughed. “Yeah, well…” He paused as the overhead doorbell chimed. “Woah, speak of the devil.” He beamed as the man wandered in with a small Yorkshire Terrier by the name of Madame Gherkin, and Oliver beside him with an arm looped through his. “Got it all ready for you.” Eggsy slid the box toward them. “Freshly baked and just packed up.” 

Harry beamed at them. “Lovely, thank you.” He peaked inside where a dozen assorted fruit muffins resided. The smell wafted out and intoxicated Merlin; he’d have to convince Eggsy to bake some for home. 

“I’d like a coffee as well,” Oliver said as he dug for his wallet. 

“Nah, no charge, mate. On the house.” Eggsy twirled toward the back counter, to make a cup just the way Oliver liked it. Merlin was always impressed how he remembered customers' orders without ever having to write them down. “One hazelnut with a splash of almond milk.” Eggsy winked as he handed it over. 

“Still cheeky I see.” Oliver’s gaze wandered to Merlin, growing fond and soft as he lingered on Merlin’s chest. “Seems fatherhood hasn’t changed you much.” He cooed at the baby strapped in a sling against Merlin. “How is she?” Oliver made an assortment of silly faces to get a crooked smile from the baby. 

“She’s great. Ain’t you, babe? Tell Uncle Ollie you is the best, smartest and prettiest little girl out there.” Eggsy kissed the five month old's chubby cheeks, earning a loud squeal and arms flailing all about. The adults laughed and cooed at her. “That’s my sweetie.” His eyes gleamed with love and adoration for their daughter. 

“Ye are so biased, Eggsy.” She peered up at him, giving Merlin the biggest, brightest smile he’d ever seen, melting his whole heart into goo. “But you are the best, aye?” She was pretty damn perfect. 

After years, Eggsy finally convinced Merlin to a child. They opted for surrogacy which led them to their perfect, bouncy, jubilant bundle of joy. She was a dream and nothing Merlin ever thought he’d miss in life, but he couldn’t imagine a world without her in it. 

“Hand her over, will you? Oliver only spoke of Penny the last twenty minutes, and besides.” Harry caught Merlin’s eye. “I need your opinion on a mission for Gawain.” Harry then reached across the counter to unstrap Penny and hand her to an eager Oliver. 

Eggsy slapped a burp cloth over Oliver’s shoulder. “She just had a bottle and Hamish had a hard time burping her, so better safe than sorry.” 

“Thank you,” Oliver answered without taking his eyes off the little beauty in his arms. 

Merlin headed around the counter to an empty table, passing Eggsy a loving kiss on his way, and sat to talk business. He was right, Harry came to inquire about jobs a few times a month, and Merlin was happy to help. 

Halfway through their argument about which area in Shanghai to send Gawain, Eggsy plopped a cup of coffee in front of each of them. And Merlin’s was made just the way he liked, that special dark roast with cream and sugar. 

It was absolutely perfect, just as his life was. Which wasn’t exactly the way Merlin planned to spend his retirement, but he was happy, and pleased to spend it with Eggsy and their little family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr @stronglyobsessed


End file.
